“On the chance that I did not make it through the third trial. Who would protect you then? If they knew how I cared for you, they might go after you, use you, trap you as a plaything, and I couldn’t bear that.” He scrubs his hands down his face—drawn, tinged in gray. “You’re wrong, bird. I do care for you. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”
“B-but you and Demi. You looked—” The thought is enough to make me retch. “You looked like youbelongedtogether.”
For whatever reason, this saddens him, which in turn pulls at my heart.
“I don’t want Demi. I haven’t wanted her in a long time. We were young. We didn’t know who we were or what we wanted. Looking back, I see the ways I used our relationship to distract myself from my father’s abuse.” He shrugs. “Demi wanted more. I couldn’t give it to her. As it was, I could barely care for myself. But over time, I needed things from her, and she could not give that to me. She would not put me first. Ultimately, it drove us apart. And now that I’ve come to know you, I understand that we were never right for each other.”
I shake my head. How desperately I want to believe him. “But you seemed so invested in what she was up to, more so than just for using her to gather information. I thought it was because you still loved her.”
“Oh, bird.” The East Wind pinches the bridge of his nose, head shaking in sympathy. “That’s because Demi is a member of the Council of Gods.”
24
“WHAT!” ISHRIEK.
Slumped against the opposite wall, Eurus frowns, face pinched into a grid of nerves and fraught trepidation. He shifts position with a wince of pain, the tips of his wings splayed across the ground. “I thought you knew.”
“No! I—How was I supposed to know that?”
“She was at the welcome banquet.”
“So was every other immortal participating in the tournament.” Except—the very first trial. Twelve seats for the Council of Gods, yet two had been empty. When I asked Demi about the two missing council members, she offered an explanation for one of the empty seats, but not the other. And the reason why Eurus wanted nothing to do with her? It could not have been clearer.
“By the Mother,” I mutter.Look with your eyes, Min. See what is right under your very nose.“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“If you knew I was planning to end her life,” Eurus says, “I feared you would let slip about my plan.”
Maybe I would have. Then again, maybe not.
“At first, I did not want you speaking with her because of her involvement with the council. But as time went on, I saw the advantage in it. Demi knows the competitors, and she devised the trials alongside the other council members. I thought she might let her guarddown with you and hint at what lay ahead. Once I saw that you were becoming close… well, how could I tell you that I planned to kill her? You would never have given me Eastern Blood. And I didn’t want to take that friendship from you, truthfully. You deserve a friend, Min. Even if I wanted nothing to do with her.”
I shake my head, turn to glare at the stone underfoot, as if it might provide me guidance. Forgiveness is like the softened body of a clam. To reach it, its armor must be pried back. But he kept this information from me. Information that may have influenced my actions in the goddess’ presence. I could have better protected myself against the divine.
“Regardless of your motives, you should have told me,” I say.
He nods, then drops his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Trust requires effort from b-both parties. If you want me to trust you, then you need to be honest with me.” As for Demi, she probably assumed I knew of her title.
“I know, bird.” He hangs his head. “It is hard for me to trust others, but it is no excuse for the hurt I have caused you. I was wrong. Youaretrustworthy. You have proven your commitment to this task, and for that, I am indebted to you.”
His gaze is heartfelt, open. I fear he sees the deception in my heart.Trustworthy.What a beautiful lie I have spun.
All this time, I have been in contact with Lady Clarisse, yet he hasn’t a clue. That all-consuming rage spurred me to send my most recent message through the Courier. What will happen when I return home? Will her ladyship be lying in wait, a fox in the brush? The notion floods my stomach with an awful dread. The East Wind will die should Lady Clarisse get her hands on him.
Do I confess and risk abandonment? I will not survive this trial without him. If I were to tell him now, it might cause him to lose focus, which could be to both of our detriment. If I tell him after, though… What if he returns to St. Laurent and destroys all that I hold dear?
I shiver, my focus shifting to the deepening chill. Soon, night will shed its dusky skin.
Noticing my discomfort, the East Wind climbs to his feet. He sways, and my apprehension threatens to spill from the container in which it is bound. Without the antidote, Gray Snare will continue to weaken him. It has likely crippled his powers, too. “I’m going to gather wood for a fire. Stay here.”
“Wait!” I grab his arm. “Won’t the light attract the competition?”
“We need to get warm, bird.”
“I’ll survive.” I would rather take my chances against the cold—a peril I understand—than whatever deities lurk beyond sight.
One of his eyebrows arches high. “And what of me? You said this poison would lead to hypothermic shock.”
