“You are correct, but they also serve a greater purpose.” Fingertips steepled against her mouth, she paces the length of the room in a cloud of sweet incense, the myrrh having fully infused the office. “They act as an anchor and help ward off any enchantments that might touch us. Without them, we would lose ourselves to that which tempts us.”
“I understand.”
“Promise me you will do everything in your power to resist Under’s allure.” She halts, angles toward me. “I would hate for your disobedience to be cause for dismissal.”
Every horror, every sadness, every tatter of grief I have carried these weeks freezes to ice inside my chest. If I do not have the abbey, if I do not have my god, then I have nothing. Iamnothing. “I promise.”
Gently, she pats my arm. “You are a sweet girl, Brielle. You try your best. I cannot fault you for that.”
I am not a girl though. Twenty-one years I have walked this green earth. Body, mind, and soul, I am wholly a woman.
Mother Mabel returns to her desk, and I’m surprised when she offers me a genuine smile. It smooths the harshness from her features.“It takes a woman of great character to admit her wrongdoings. I would like to offer you the opportunity to ascend, if you are interested.”
No matter how many times I dissect that statement, it does not seem real. “Truly?”
“Should you begin the process of transition, your heart will belong to the Father. Once you speak your final vows, He becomes your life.”
“I understand.” By all that is holy, I never thought this day would come. My chest swells in elation, and the world radiates color.
“Good.” Her smile softens. “You understand, then, that before a novitiate can ascend to an acolyte, she must prove her dedication by completing a task that tests her devotion. Normally, the task is granted to a single candidate, but in your case, there is another who seeks the same opportunity.”
Just as quickly, I deflate. I had hoped, prayed, but there is yet another obstacle to overcome. “Who?”
10
RAISING MY FIST TO THEold, creaking door, I gird myself for what will occur the moment my knuckles touch wood.
I can do this.
A hardrat-tat-tat, a sharp crack of sound. Then I wait.
It doesn’t take long before the door swings open, Harper’s unpleasant features fixed into a scowl. Her blue eyes thin, a scouring glare that rips me open from boot soles to scalp. “What do you want?”
As if she cares about such a thing. “Did Mother Mabel speak with you about the appointment?”
Her beautifully groomed eyebrows snap inward above her nose. “Why do you care to know? Is it not enough that I’m forced to interact with you daily? Must you spy on me as well?”
“There are many ways I would rather spend my time, Harper.” Like shoveling dung.
Her foot taps out her irritation. It is not unexpected. She has always moved in fits and bursts, propelled by the tightly coiled energy stuffed beneath her skin. “What is it then? I don’t appreciate having my time wasted.”
“If Mother Mabel spoke to you, then she likely mentioned you are not the only one vying for the position of acolyte.”
At this, she straightens, and I watch her slide the bits of information into place with satisfaction: my unforeseen visit, this topic of conversation, the odd lack of fear as my gaze meets hers.
“You’re joking.” A small, spiteful laugh descends into a sound of utter bewilderment. “Who knew you had the capacity for humor. What’s the real reason for this disturbance?”
It took all morning to gather the courage to knock. Now I fight the urge to vomit, or pass out, or both. The tightness in my chest is never more severe than when I’m forced to face my oldest adversary. “I’ve been offered the opportunity to earn the position.”
“Excuse me?” Her shrill cry is as hair-raising as an outright shriek. “After the stunt you pulled? You can’t be serious.”
“It is the truth.”
For once in her life, Harper is speechless. No insults, no scathing remarks. Blessed silence.
Her attention whips up and down the deserted corridor. Lunch ended an hour ago, but Mother Mabel freed me from obligations so I would have time to pack. I assume she granted Harper the same respite.
“Get inside.” She yanks me across the threshold, slamming the door behind me. “It’s embarrassing enough learning this without someone overhearing it.”
