He nodded, his emotions concealed under the hard armour of protection. "I want to say something, Atlas, and I don’t want you to get upset and hurt me again. Will you promise me you won’t get angry?”
He looked at me and nodded.
“Go ahead. I won’t get upset, I promise.”
I swallowed nervously, searching his eyes. I could never read him unless he was buried inside me or performing some vile sex act on my body.
“I was so humiliated at what you did that I don’t think I can ever forgive you for it, and although you tell me you would go out of your mind if something happened to me, you sure don’t mind hurting me when I don’t go along with your demands." I wrung my hands in my lap, feeling anxious. I couldn’t handle another spanking. Not today.
"That’s all I wanted to say.”
I looked down at the floor, afraid he might lose his temper and string me up by my wrists, but he didn’t.
He rubbed my knee and sighed.
“I made dinner. Would you rather eat it here or join me in the kitchen? It’s up to you.”
I looked up at him, surprised. Although he didn’t address my complaint, he didn’t lose his shit either. I needed him to understand my feelings so he could see me as a human being and not a possession.
I managed to smile, although it was strained.
“I will eat in the kitchen. After being imprisoned in this room for so long, I enjoy the change of scenery, even if it’s still only elsewhere in the house.”
Atlas
Joey texted me, saying he wouldn’t be coming by this evening. He was spending the night with his new love interest and was excited to push it up a notch. I told himTMIand wished him the best.
I didn’t want to hear about him and another guy sucking each other off. I wasn’t interested in his sex life, just like he shouldn’t be interested in mine. It would be just me and my pet alone in the house tonight, and I was okay with that. I am not sure what just came out of my mouth when I spoke to her, but I was all over the place.
Discussions of any kind with the opposite sex never pertained to me. I had nothing to talk about with a woman.
Trying to explain myself to her was painful because I wasn't familiar with the word vomit that came out when speaking to a chick. I felt some regret for what I did, but then, right after speaking to her, she damn near sent me over the cliff again when she told me she would never forgive me.
I am a man who doesn’t like to be told what to do or challenged in any way. I am incredibly dominant, so it is tough for me to listen to a woman’s complaints, or anyone’s complaints, for that matter.
This is one reason I never dated traditionally. Sure, women were beautiful, but to me, they only served one purpose. I have never loved a woman, nor have I ever had any lasting relationships, except for the girl who turned me on to BDSM when we were teenagers.
After a year with her, I didn’t bother getting attached to any females. I may have fucked the same woman three times, then I would move on.
I murdered my father in cold blood because he had beaten my mother to death. It was my first kill, and it didn’t bother me. I was born to be an assassin. I built a hard outer shell around myself and never looked back.
I cared for my brothers and joined the seals. After that, I was just one fucked-up killing machine. I had no time for a woman in my life, and because I never wanted children, I only needed a woman for sex. This world is a mess, and I am too fucked up to have kids, anyway.
I haven’t even told Kitten I was going to have her tubes tied yet. I will wait until the opportunity comes up. She will fight me tooth and nail, but it is non-negotiable. I will never take the chance of fathering a child.
I know she has the implant, but I could not afford any mistakes because many things could happen while that little plastic rod rests in her arm, so it was better to sterilize her.
I am the product of failed birth control, so I know a woman can get pregnant while taking the pill or any other form of contraceptive.
Although I was initially upset when she told me she couldn’t forgive me, I promised her I wouldn’t get angry, so instead of lashing out at her like I wanted to, I gave her the choice to eat dinner here or in her room, then left immediately to cool off.
I didn’t think it would be this difficult when I took her. I underestimated the extent to which she would rebel against me. I’ve grown soft where she is concerned.
I didn’t bank on the fact that my obsession with her would only worsen the more time we spent together and I would develop these unfamiliar feelings.
I only wanted her for her body and to ease my kink, which is still valid, but now, I also want her to be happy with me. That was the furthest thing on my mind when I brought her here some weeks ago. I wanted to give her pleasure when she pleased me, of course, but that is part of her training. You can’t have one without the other. I will continue to condition her because I need her to satiate my dark side.I don't intend to pay women for their time or seek willing women on the side. I plan on keeping her forever. As much as I want her happiness, I also want her submission. I have no issues handing out punishments when needed. I rarely felt any guilt, although what happened today got out of hand. I admit I was being ridiculous with the floating device, but I also panicked when she almost drowned. After her punishment, I realized I may have gone too far and felt the need to let her know.
I’m aware of how fucked up I am, and I don’t dig deep into all my feelings, but this girl has me all over the place, and I don’t like it. Not one bit. I will always keep my guard up when it comes to her. I will continue to use her body for my pleasure and, of course, reciprocate when she is a good girl, but I won’t allow myself to get caught in her web. She can’t have that much power over me. I refuse to turn into a hen-pecked pussy.
