“Do you think there are people Outside thinking of us as betters?” I asked him. “As though we are some kind of advanced civilization?”
“I don’t think they understand our way of living enough to be able to think of us on such terms,” Kai mused, a contemplative crease forming between his brows. “The technology the Center uses for the procedures comes from them, doesn’t it? The Outside. So if we are being technical, they are the advanced ones while we are living in our little haven, like children protected from the ugliness of the world.”
Very, very quietly, as if afraid to be heard, I said, “Is it a haven? Or is it a bubble?”
He looked at me then, stricken. “I don’t know.”
“I feel very scared right now,” I whispered, my heart trembling inside the fragile cage of my chest.
“Me too,” he admitted, and with a muted “Come here,” he claimed the last of the space between us, his hand on my waist, pulling me to him until our bodies came flush.
And although a moment ago I’d felt like crying, the safety of his arms and the tenderness of his lips pressing a kiss on my forehead were enough to make me forget the fear, forget everything, my mind closing the shutters to all that wasn’t him.
With an absolute, surrender-to-fate feeling, I bent back my neck so our faces were leveled, and I caught his mouth with mine, tasting the cool mint flavor of his toothpaste, which we now shared, and asking for nothing more but this. Just to be kissed by him. Just to feel like I belonged to him, if only for the length of a kiss.
And so for a while we embraced like this in the silvering dark, hips aligned, legs tangled, the heat of his palm on my waist seeping through the thin cotton of my nightgown.
“Don’t let go,” I begged him.
“Never,” he promised.
Chapter Fourteen
Iwas the first one to wake, my eyes fluttering open to faint bands of light capturing the tiniest specks of dust. Kai was still surrendered to deep sleep, facing toward me with his cheek pressed against the pillow and his hand resting low on my stomach under the cover. I imagined threading my fingers through his hair, imagined him stirring under my touch, his strong limbs stretching, his dark eyes meeting mine.Hello.But he looked too peaceful to disturb, so I slinked out of bed, threw his huge blue sweater over my nightgown, and tiptoed my way out of the room, shutting the door behind me.
In the living room, the air smelled of kindling and burnt candles, and the floorboards were cold and creaky beneath my bare feet. All the windowpanes were fogged with condensation, and when I cracked one open, a glacial mist whipped into the room and sparkled over my face. For a long time, I sat there on a chair by the window with my knees drawn to my chest, not moving, not thinking, not even needing to smoke. Just staring out at the half-hidden view of the beach, the colors soft and glittering, blotting into the cold dawn sky.
It was starting to get really cold, but I didn’t want to close the window and be deprived of all the fresh air, so I attempted to rekindle the fire, which took a few tries before a lovely enveloping warmth lapped over my face.
There were so many things to worry about I ended up worrying about nothing. I just leaned back until I came flush with the rug, letting the radiating heat lull me back to sleep.
After several moments of half-conscious stillness, I felt the floorboards shudder beneath my limbs, and Kai’s morning voice sounded in the room, low and affecting. “Hello there.”
He appeared over me like a handsome apparition, sleep-tousled and gentle-eyed, dressed in sweatpants and a cable-knit sweater.
“Good morning,” I replied with a little yawn.
Without hesitation, he joined me on the floor, lying down next to me with his face upturned toward the beamed ceiling. Five minutes passed, maybe ten, before he asked, “So… what are we doing exactly?”
“Nothing,” I murmured. “Just waking up.”
“Right, right,” he hummed humorously. “I usually have coffee in the morning, but this is pretty cool too.”
I let out a trembling laugh, feeling deeply soothed and not caring at all if this feeling was superficial. I just gave in to it. The simple human need to find consolation even when things were terrible.
I turned and burrowed to his side. He wound both arms around my neck and cradled me to his chest, his mouth moving soft and hot over my forehead. “This is nice.”
“So nice,” I agreed.
“Are you hungry? I can make cinnamon rolls.”
I grinned against his collarbone. “You canmakecinnamon rolls?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind waiting for a bit.”
“No, I don’t mind. I rarely eat in the morning, anyway.”
“Good to know.”
