He seemed so relaxed, happy.We easily fell into a content rhythm of teasing and banter that reminded me of the summer.We moved through the city together.Nate kissed me when we ducked behind an exhibit in a museum, grinning like a man who forgot he was recognizable.
But I couldn't, because every few minutes, someone turned, lifted a phone and whispered his name.I caught myself checking behind us more than once, and making sure I looked ok more than I ever have in my life.
By mid-afternoon, my cheeks hurt from smiling, but my chest felt full.Overfull.
Because he held my hand like he couldn’t let go.Like I was his anchor in this moment, in our world, like he needed me here.
And I liked it.
I really, really did.
Because being the centre of Nate's attention, feeling his focus, his love...It is intoxicating.
But as we walked through a busy plaza, sunlight bursting through, with people turning, cameras flashing, Nate pulled me into a bruising kiss after a man with his phone out asked for a kiss for the camera.The unease flickered again, small, barely there, gone before I could understand it.
Was I really part of his world now?Was this what life would look like for as long as we were together?
We ended the day tangled up in each other in his hotel room, ordering room service and watching bad TV until he fell asleep on my stomach, my fingers in his hair.
It felt perfect.And still, somewhere beneath all that warmth, something in me whispered:
If everything is okay, why does this feel like balancing on the edge of a knife?
I didn't have an answer.
So, I kissed the top of his head, turned the TV volume down, and told myself:
Everything is fine.
Adam’s Pub was buzzing louder than usual for a weekday night, the low hum of conversation mixing with the clatter of pint glasses and the occasional burst of laughter.Adam had mentioned that people had started showing up to watch the Kodiaks' games in the hometown of Captain Carson and The Cowgirl Angel.He laughed and pulled me into a hug while telling me how great I was for business.I rolled my eyes at him, and I tucked myself into a corner booth with Chase while Adam handled the bar with Brody, the two brothers moving through the space like it was natural.
Nate was on an away stretch.He had Facetimed me from the hotel before heading to the arena, asking if I would be watching the game.
Chase dropped into the booth across from me, sliding a plate of fried food between us.“Eat,” he said.“You’re doing that thing where you pretend, you’re fine but look like you’ve been staring into the void.”
“I’m not staring into the void.”I grabbed a wing, pulling my attention to one of the TVs playing the Kodiak's game.“I’m just tired.But Iamfine.”
“Mhm.”Chase raised a brow.“You’re not fine.”
I scoffed, but it sounded weak.“He’s just stressed.They’ve been playing back-to-back games.He’s exhausted.”
"Funny how I never said anything about, Nate."
I scowled at Chase as applause and cheers burst out around us."Stop!You don't know what you are talking about!I don't want to talk about him."
I looked away because I didn't know what else to say.
Adam wandered over just in time to catch the tail end.He dried his hands on a bar towel, leaning his hip against the booth.“You okay, T?”
Why does that question always feel like it hits a bruise I didn’t know was there?
“I’m good,” I said quickly.“Seriously.Just tired.”
Adam exchanged a look with Chase, one of those silent conversations that says too much.
“What?”I snapped, because their quiet concern was somehow worse than if they’d yelled.
Chase kept his voice gentle.“Nothing.Just… I was worried when he first showed interest in you, knowing his reputation.But then I saw how you light up when you were together...So, I didn't say anything.But lately, you look like you’re trying to convince yourself of something.Your light is dimmed.”
