Itdoesfeel peaceful.
So why does something in me feel… off?
Not wrong.Not alarming.
Just… off.
Later, we are at one of the farms where I work.I got a call asking if I could stop by on my way home.A horse that hasn't been acting like itself needs checking on.
Kenzie hops out first, already excited to meet the owners.“Come on, Tess!I want to see the baby goats.I’m manifesting goats in my life.”
I follow her, and for a few moments, the warmth of the barn and the familiarity of the work grounds me.It’s hard to feel anxious when a curious goat is trying to eat your shirt.
I let my mind wander and drift off, comforted by the work I love.
Kenzie loops her arm through mine as we walk back toward the truck.“You good?”
I nod.“Yeah.Just… thinking.”
She presses her shoulder into mine.“Don’t overthink the good stuff.Let yourself be happy.You deserve it.”
I try to believe her.
But as we drive home, windows cracked, wind cool and carrying the smell of fall…
A thought drifts in, soft and unwelcome:
If everything is fine… why does it feel like the ground is shifting under my feet?
I don’t have an answer.
And I’m not ready to confront it with him, not when I don’t even know whatitis.
Maybe Kenzie is right, perhaps I am looking for cracks where there aren't and getting in the way of my own happiness...
So, I tell myself, everything is fine.
And hope that it's true.
This morning, I woke up alone in Nate’s bed, and the whole place felt too quiet.
He’d left hours ago.I could tell by the cooling ripple of the sheets and the scent he always leaves behind on the pillow.
I blinked, stretched, and found the note immediately.Propped on top of the end table.
Red,
Can’t wait to see you tonight.
I laid out a few things for you to pack.I hope you love it!
Miss you already.
I pressed the note to my chest like an idiot.
Who gets butterflies from these kinds of things?
Apparently, me.
