I hate that it softens me, but it does.It doesn't excuse anything, but it does explain it, and I feel like I know Nate a little better.
When he finishes, I take his hand.“You can’t keep things from me, Nate, not like this.If we’re building something, it has to be built on honesty.Even the messy parts.”
He nods, eyes wet."I know, I am so sorry, Tessa.I let it get to me, and I spiralled instead of talking to you."
“No more lies.Not by omission.Not by silence.”I urge.
Another tear slips down Nate's cheek."I promise, Tessa.I won't do anything to mess this up again.You mean too much."
“Good,” I whisper.“Because I can handle a lot of things, Nate.But I don't like being blindsided or used.I can't be in a relationship I don't trust.”
He kisses my hand, then my forehead.“Stay tonight?”
And even though I should say no, I nod.
He gives me one of his team T-shirts, soft and worn, and when I crawl into bed beside him, he wraps me up from behind like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go.
As I start to drift off in the comfort of his arms, I feel his breath warm against my neck as he murmurs, “I’m not letting this go, Red.Not us.”
And like it's part of a dream at some point in the night, I swear I hear a whisper, "I love you, Tessa."
Chapter 23 - Nate
Waking up to her in my arms feels like I have everything I have ever dreamed of within arm's reach.The sun plays with the shades of red and bronze in her hair.Her hair is a beautiful mess across her pillow.I pull her close and breathe her in; she nuzzles into my chest without waking, and I understand now what I never had with Brielle.
That one thought brings back the ugly truth of yesterday.I resist holding her tighter; I don't want to wake her or ruin this moment.I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.
When I got the call to come in for the meeting, I knew I wasn't going to like it, so I left on Friday night instead of just coming in for the day.I didn't want Tessa to ask questions about my shift in mood, so I just left.
And fuck was I right.Management was prepared, that is for sure, charts, plans, schedules and PR tie-ins.And at the center of it all was her and me.
Reeves snapped and stormed out of the meeting after they started pulling up what Sloane and Brielle were saying online, how that had spiralled into people digging into who Tessa was and anything they could get their hands on about her and her past.
Pictures of her with teammates, with Adam, Chase, even a craftily angled picture of her and Clara's husband that I would have even thought was suspect if I hadn't been there and known that Mason was handing over his baby girl to Tessa, and that is why their bodies were that close.Reeves called out the marketing team for encouraging this type of behaviour, stating that some of those pictures could have been taken only by people at those private events or by someone working with the press.He told them to tear up his media consent form for Olivia, then pointedly asked, while staring me down, if anyone had gotten Tessa's consent to be part of 'this shitshow'.
Management backpedalled, saying they did not encourage this behaviour and that they were looking into it.But from the reaction from the other players in the room, we all felt like that was just a line of bullshit.He stormed out, still glaring at me.
After he left, PR dug further into rebuilding the team's image, boosting positive PR, and addressing the still-bad narratives circulating.That some people speculated Tessa and I were just a phase, and that because I hadn't come out publicly acknowledging our relationship, it could be considered just a summer fling, another notch on my bedpost.
They talked to the team about ensuring that wives, children, and girlfriends with positive public images attend games, charity events, and travel for away games, showing family support and more.They said it to the team, but I felt like they were telling me what I needed to do in my relationship with Tessa.And they only confirmed it when they slipped a folder into my hand before I left, with publicity ideas and ways to authentically include her in both my public image and the teams.They dropped a casual reference to the company the guy worked for that Brielle was with, who had now bought two boxes, and that they were expecting them to be in attendance for home games, and how we could counteract that PR, which was also included in my folder.
Some of the guys followed me out, all talking over each other, all saying that I should loop her in.That she should know about this.
And fuck me, that was the plan, but then this fear overtook me, like this irrational fear of losing her.One I have never felt before, and it terrified me.We hadn't been together long, and then that opened the fear that we hadn't had the talk; we hadn't discussed exclusivity or what we were doing, and with the pictures swirling in my mind of her and other men, I went dark.I tried to work out, tried to sweat out the fear, anxiety and dark mood threatening me.Fuck I was so stupid.She was right to call me out on my shit.How did I let myself spiral like that?
I open my eyes and watch the early morning light play across her features.The golden colour of her cheekbones that have been kissed by the sun.Her dash of freckles across her nose and cheeks.Fuck she is beautiful, and somehow, she is mine.Somehow, she decided I was worth it to stay for after all the shit from yesterday.
I can't let that happen again.I need to get my head on straight and focus.
She stayed.I can have it all.I can be what my team needs, reconnect with my family, and have Tessa.The fact that they are all tangled up with my team's PR strategy just makes it more convenient but doesn't lessen how I feel.The relationship, the life I want to build with this woman, is not because of my team, and that is the difference; she will get used to the attention.It will all be ok.Because it has to be, I have never had feelings this big, this fast for anyone before, and when I look at Tessa, I can see it all.
My future.
Like she knows I am thinking about her, Tessa starts to wake, and with that, I push it all out of my mind and focus on the woman in my arms wearing one of my old hockey t-shirts and little ass hugging boy shorts.
She stretches a little, wiggles, and moans.All making my dick wake up.
I groan, "Jesus, Tessa, you are waking up the beast."
