“Disrespect?”I laugh, sharp and broken.“What is wrong with you people?”
The entire room is silent, like everyone is holding a collective breath.
But then Ray steps closer, he goes to bend to pick up the ultrasound, but the moment his fingers touch it, something primal and guttural rips out of me.
“Don’t you fucking touch that!”
My scream echoes so loudly down the hall that nurses peer out of rooms.A security guard steps forward.People in the waiting room jump.
Eli wraps both arms around me, as John steps in, picks up the ultrasound picture and moves between Ray and me.
The fog closes back in, thick and dense, the only merciful thing.
I let Eli guide me away.My feet drift over tile, as lights blur around me and voices dissolve into static.And the last thing my mind clings to before everything goes silent is the ultrasound photo with Nate’s blood forever pressed across the first picture of our baby.
And the truth that will hollow me out for a long, long time is that he will never get to know our child.
Chapter 47 - Tessa
I should’ve knowntheywouldn’t leave even this untouched.
The funeral was supposed to be private.
Just family, close friends.The people who actually knew, loved and respected him.
That’s what Maggie wanted, what John insisted on.That’s what I begged for.And for a little while, italmoststayed that way.
From the hospital to here felt like a blur.Like fragments of memories that I was trying to stick together.I couldn't go back home, couldn't go to the Carsons, so I ended up at Chase's place with Kenzie.Adam brought us food; someone brought us clothes...Guilt crept in because I couldn't face any of it.I couldn't face the pity, the sympathy, the fact that my pregnancy was now public knowledge.
John and Maggie didn't push for us to come back because the media and fans had swarmed the farm.They were trying to keep me as far from it as possible.
Eli showed up, promising they had been working with the police and that we would be able to grieve in peace.
A small country church, with hard wooden pews.Pine boughs hung over all the windowsills because Kenzie said Nate always loved the smell of winter.As I sat staring at the closed casket, all I could picture were the flares, the wreck, the blue tint of his lips...the last words he gave me...
I sat in the front row between Maggie and Eli.The pastor spoke of family and Nate being in a better place.But that couldn't be right.How could anything be better than being here with his child?I tried to push down the fog, the all-consuming sorrow, but it was there, ready to swallow me whole.
At some point, Maggie wrapped her arm around me, and I leaned into her without thinking.We cried the same way, silently, shaking, as if we were trying not to disturb anyone.
For a moment, it felt like the world had respected the line we drew.
And then it didn’t, just as the pastor finished speaking, someone’s phone buzzed, then another and another.A ripple of discomfort moved through the small crowd.
The side door to the church opened, and a few of the police officers stepped through.Whispers reached us, but I was already slipping...
“Someone posted… the location.”
“…already outside…”
“…news crews…”
“…the baby…”
That one pulled me back; my spine went rigid, pulse beating in places I didn’t know a heart could reach.Eli’s head snapped toward the whispers.
We were asked to wait while reinforcements arrived.But nothing could have prepared me for walking out of the church.
A wall of people greeted me with the blinding flash of lights.A mix of fans, reporters, massive lenses, and strangers holding signs with our names on them.
