I curled into my pillow as he kissed my forehead, and I watched him gather his things before he left.
And I fell asleep with those words echoing in my head.
I love you.
Chapter 6
11 Months Ago
I woke up feeling off.Those three words I had clung to last night, that had lulled me to sleep, felt hollow now.
The way the night played out was nagging at me now.The moment had felt beautiful, it hadn't felt like fucking...I thought maybe he meant more.But then he got up and had to go...didn't stay, and if that hadn't thrown me off kilter, he said those three words with an ease that left me breathless.
I got up and decided to go for a run.I had always been active, always been one who was up for anything.But running...something about it cleared away all the bullshit and helped me think.My feet on the trail, my lungs full of fresh air...the seasons wrapping me up in their beauty...it centred me.
As I was getting dressed, my phone lit up.I hadn't changed his name in my contacts yet...something about what he had called himself...called us, felt beautiful.I wanted to keep that beauty.Wanted to keep the fantasy behind our love story.
Last First Date:Good Morning, Beautiful.I miss you already.
I didn't respond, and it wasn't because I was trying to be a brat or be difficult.I didn't knowwhatto say.And that was a first.I had always responded quickly to his texts.
Autumn had my little town firmly in its grasp.So I moved back to my closet and added layers.
The text alert made me jump.Crap, why was I so jumpy?
I pulled my messy hair up into a bun and moved back to my phone.
Last First Date:I meant what I said last night, Cassidy.I love you.Sitting through these meetings and not being near you feels like torture.
My heart beat a little faster, a small smile tugging at my face.But something was still not sitting right with me.So I grabbed my runners and started lacing them up.
Last First Date:Are you still sleeping, or are you ignoring me because you are upset...
I ran my thumb over my phone, thinking about responding quickly...but his last text threw me.Still unsure of how to respond, I grabbed my running pack, threw my keys, my i.d.and headed out the front door.
It wasn't that I was unsure of how I felt for him, god, I wanted to say those three words back last night.I knew how I felt around him, how my heart fluttered, and how my words felt jumbled.My words were never something that had failed me before...I owned my words.My voice.
I made it out to the frost-covered sidewalk and started moving in the direction of the closest running trail before the next alert came through.
Last First Date:Please don't push me away...don't ruin us, Cass...god, I regret leaving last night...I didn't sleep at all, thinking about you in bed alone, thinking about how I could have held you in my arms all night.
My heart did a happy dance...but my gut...
Was he reacting this way because he really cared and was worried about how I felt about last night?Or was this something else?
I needed to clear my head.
So I ran.
With my playlist forcing thoughts out and the warm fall colours pulling my attention to their beauty.I ran.
Or I tried...he was relentless.My alerts kept pulling my focus.
So I turned off my alerts, I silenced everything but my music.
And just like that, I found my stride, and I lost myself to the rhythm and scenery around me.
I don't know how long I ran for.But it felt good.
