Needy.
Desperate.
Exactly how she’d felt those long years trying to hold on to Scott.
“Hey.” He cupped her chin, holding her gaze. “I’m here and I . . . I’m not going anywhere, Holly.”
With her free hand, she fiddled with his collar, screening her eyes with her lashes. Sometimes he saw too much. “Even if I hang the dish towel wrong.”
“Even if.” He whispered a kiss over her cheek and nuzzled her ear. “Or if you try to over-decorate my cabin for the holidays.”
She pulled back, frowning. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“You realize I grew up with Sue, right?” One corner of his mouth hitched. “I assure you the house was decked out.”
Something tightened in his voice, and she didn’t have to look far for a reason. Nicole had been a December baby. Of course, Sue had hidden her grief over the years in perfect holiday decor.
Desperate to lighten the pain in his eyes, she lifted a finger. “How aboutonetree? A small one.”
He nipped her finger pad, the tiny pain and pleasure shimmering down her nerve endings. “I’ll think about it. Let’s take care of you first.”
“Hmm.” She stepped away, scanning the trees on either side of them. “But you’ll tell me what you need.”
“Yeah.” A rough sound, almost a laugh, rumbled from his chest. He scuffed his hand over his nape. “About that.”
Foreboding settled into a hard lump in her stomach. She fought down the instinctive fear. Hadn’t he just said he wouldn’t leave her?
As they ambled another step or so further, he glanced around them at the handful of other patrons. Down the lane, a little boy clamored for “the biggest tree ever.”
Colt ran a hand over his neck again. “We need to talk about Lamar.”
Oh, she’dknowngolf hadn’t gone well. She deflated a little. She hated this for him, for Tick, for both of them. “Today was awful, wasn’t it?”
He shrugged and glanced away, his jaw set. His throat moved with a hard swallow.
“He’s not going to forgive me.” His voice was even, steady, but pain ran through it like that river of blue in the damaged cedar in his woodshop. “Which is his prerogative, and I get it. Being around him isn’t healthy for me, though.”
Her breath caught. That assertion was huge.
And a huge problem, for her anyway. Anxiety wrapped cold, tight fingers around her throat.
“I know he’s your friend, maybe your best friend next to Lorraine.” He didn’t look at her, and the lump swelled in her stomach, hurting. “I don’t want to interfere with that.”
She moistened her lip. “Colt.”
He lifted a finger in a staying motion. “I want you to keep doing what you’ve always done with him, and I know I’ll run into him at stuff like always. I need you to get it, though, and not try to throw us together, thinking you can fix us that way. Because what’s wrong between us? It’s unfixable.”
Her heart folded in on itself, a tight, pained little origami. He was right — she wanted to fix it, for both of them, and she couldn’t. And she would never hurt him with this. She loved him too much to—
Her brain skidded to halt, squeezing the breath from her lungs in a smalloof. She stared at him, and he tilted his head, a quizzical light in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She pushed the word out on a breathless whisper, and his brows dipped. Somehow, she managed to pull in a breath, with the life-altering knowledge thatshe loved himrattling around in her awareness. “You’re right. Of course you’re right, and I shouldn’t force you together.”
“Hey, take a breath.” Laughing, he folded an arm about her shoulder and hugged her to him. “I trust you to respect my wishes.”
“Of course.” Her brain pinged all over the implications. She loved him, and he hadn’t said how he felt, other than an assurance he wouldn’t leave. Had she done it again, given her heart to a man who wouldn’t want it or treat it with the care it deserved?
The idea frightened her, wrapping a band across her chest.
