“Did you hear what you just said?” Scowling, he spread his hands, careful of the nearly full mug. Last thing he needed was to splash hot coffee over both of them. “Workingat getting over him.”
“You don’t want me to work at it?” One perfect brow bent into a high arc. “Or be honest with you about my feelings?”
He didn’t want to think about her loving Barlow or coming in as a second-best choice to the guy. Was she having toworkat her feelings for Colt himself? The idea drew his belly tight, knotting him up. “I don’t want to fight with you about this.”
“This is not a fight.” She spun to return to the coffeemaker with a light step. Dark rich liquid made a river of sound into another blue mug. “This is a discussion about our current emotions and healthy ways for us to work through heavy stuff as a couple.”
“Nice play with semantics there.” A sip of coffee did nothing to soothe his painful throat. The interplay sure as hell felt like a fight, with his heart thudding against his chest wall like it wanted to escape the conversation.
“You and I both know life isn’t always easy.We’reeasy.” She gestured between them, then leaned on the cabinet again, lifting her mug for a deep inhale, lashes dusting her cheeks. A pleased smile flitted over her face before her expression went stern again. “Mostly. And I like that. I realize you’re a little stunted when it comes to the whole processing emotional conflict thing, but–”
“Excuse me?” His spine couldn’t go any straighter. “Stunted?”
She relaxed into the cedar butcherblock of his countertop. “When was the last time you went to Sunday school?”
Lips parted, he stared at her a second. He pointed then let his finger fall. “That has nothing to do with this.”
“That has everything to do with this.” That eye roll made him itch. “If Tick shows up on one of your regular golf Saturdays with Gene, do you go?”
“No.” He had to shove the rough syllable past his lips.
“If he’s here, you avoid events where you might run into him.”
He closed his eyes. “Holly.”
“And you tell yourself it’s about being respectful of him, and on some level it is, but really, Colt?” Her voice gentled. “We both know it’s about protecting yourself, too.”
“What do you want me to do?” Hands spread again, he lifted his lids to glare. “I’m not forcing anything on him, not after what I did.”
“No, you’re not, and that speaks to how much you still care for him, for the level of remorse you feel.” Her expression softened, her gaze steady and easy on his face. “But, Colton, you can’t bury yourself because of–”
“Holly.” He injected a heavy warning into her name. He reached sideways to set his mug down with a sharp thunk because, damn it, his hands shook.
“Colt, I know what that night cost you, both of you.” Her shoulders lifted and fell, her blue eyes fixed on him. “But you’ve given that night a lot of your life, too, and I hate that.”
“I have a life.” He pitched his voice quiet and even. “Maybe it’s not everything I thought it would be, but it’s not awful. Recently, it’s gotten a whole lot better.”
She smiled.
“I process my emotions just fine.” He rested his shoulder against the doorframe again. “I know what I need and how to tell you that. Right now, I need to hold off with us being intimate.”
“Okay.” Her reply emerged soft and breathless. “But just for right now.”
Just until I know you love me.
He swallowed the words. They held a lot to unpack, an underlying subtext he wasn’t ready to look at quite yet.
“Yeah.” He let his gaze rove over her, everything he’d ever wanted and been afraid to let himself have. Hell, he was still afraid to step all the way in. “Just for right now.”
Chapter Eleven
Warm fingertips tracing his ribcage drew Colt the rest of the way awake. A soft cheek pressed to his chest, silky hair spilling over his arm. One soft thigh was a hot weight across both of his. He rubbed a hand up and down her spine, cotton shifting under his palm.
On a humming sigh, Holly kissed his pectoral. “Good morning.”
“Hey.” Voice raspy to his own ears, he dropped a kiss on her brow. Waking up with her was great, as good as lying down to sleep with her beside him, and he was an absolute dumbass for agreeing to this. If she left him . . . now his bed would be as haunted as the rest of the cabin.
With a stretch, she flipped to her other side, dragging his arm over her waist and wiggling her butt into the curve of his thighs. His body decided to sit up and take notice, a heavy arousal lodging in his gut, stirring his dick, and eyes still closed, he gritted his teeth. She knew it, too, with her self-satisfied little sigh.
