“Mackey won’t if he has any sense.” Lorraine ended the pronouncement with a huff.
Amused confusion kept Tick’s brows knitted together. “What are you fussing—”
“I’ll fill you in.” With a sharp glance at Colt, David planted a palm between Tick’s shoulders and steered him toward the doors. “Let’s get everyone started with a drink.”
Frowning, Colt watched them go. That was weird as hell.
“Colt.” With another pointed look at Lorraine, Holly turned him toward the porch steps. All right, the whole night had turned weird, what with Tick reaching out to shake his hand first, Holly and Lorraine being on edge, and David separating Lamar from the rest of them. “Let’s find Mama and speak before everybody sits down.”
Resting his hand at the small of her back, Colt lowered his head. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Not really, no.” She flicked a glance at him as they ascended the steps. She wobbled a little on the final one, gripping his arm hard through his blazer to steady herself. He flattened his hand, providing a hit of stability. All they needed was a trip to the ER tonight. “But, yes.”
Large gas patio heaters created a bubble of warmth on the porch, so the wide area was as packed as the main interior room, the rolling doors thrown wide to allow people to move back and forth. Jazzy holiday music blended with laughter and greetings,and he cast a quick glance around for their mamas, determined to find out what was going on before they got waylaid.
“Holly–”
His gaze skittered over a blonde seated at the table in front of his mama’s, a familiar face he’d never wanted to see again.
Shit, what was she evendoinghere?
The music and chatter faded into a sick buzz, his skin clammy under his shirt.
He was never getting away from his past, what he’d done, what he’d been. Right this second, watching her smile and laugh at her table, watching her watch Lamar walk to the bar when he wasn’t even aware of her presence, Colt kinda wanted to die. Not like he had on his worst days, like the morning after when he’d heard about Will and known he couldn’t even look Tick in the eye or like the other morning after when Grandaddy had shown up to bail him out and made Colt look him in the eye.
He’dreallywanted to die then, had even thought about how he might make that happen.
No, this was more the desire to sink into the floor, hell, under the floor, and escape what this night would be rather than the desire to stop his existence cold . . . so, he kinda wanted to run.
It wouldn’t work because a guy couldn’t outrun his own thoughts, but he sure as hell wanted to.
The one thing he didn’t want to do was look at Holly right now.
Or Tick, so make that two things he didn’t want to do right now.
And he couldn’t even have a drink when there was a freaking open bar.
“I’m sorry. I thought I’d get a chance to tell you before you saw her.” Holly clutched at his arm, a hint of desperation in her touch. “I didn’t want you to be surprised.”
“Yeah, I get it.” He fixed his attention above her head, on that one cracked brick on the opposite wall. “Thanks.”
“Colton.” Her firm tone brooked no argument, the same attitude she assumed when trying to make Polo – or Ralph – behave. “Are you going to look at me?”
He tucked his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Nope.”
“Colt.” She nudged his arm, hard, and mouth tight, he jerked a glare at her. Eyes narrowed, she matched him stare for stare. “We are not giving her this much power.”
“We.” A harsh laugh, short and ugly, scraped free of his tight throat.
She held her left hand before his face, diamond sparking under the artificial lights. “We.”
Damn it, how was he supposed to argue that? They’d agreed to share their lives, the good and the ugly. Only, he didn’t want her exposed to the ugly, and with her here — well, ugly was inevitable. Jaw clenched so hard his teeth ached, he scuffed a hand over his nape.
“She doesn’t get to do this, Colt.” Although her eyes glittered with a wet sheen, Holly’s low voice rang with determination. “She doesn’t get to ruin tonight just by being here. She doesn’t get to ruin anything for you, ever again.”
He sank his teeth into the inside of his bottom lip, trying to block out the panic and pain screaming through him. Logic whispered Holly was right – years had passed and she represented one bad decision out of his whole life. Lamar was here, though, and–
He wasn’t doing this to himself anymore. He’d sworn that to himself.
