“Why in the fuck where you there?”
“You’ll never guess.” No. I won’t. None of us have any reason at all to be there to my knowledge, so he hit the nail on the head with that statement. I do not entertain it with a reply, waiting for him to go on and explain himself. “Deylani.”
My mouth is suddenly dry, and the ground feels like it’s spinning beneath my feet as if I am suddenly hyper-aware of it turning on its axis. My hand that isn’t holding the phone up to my ear smacks the brick wall in front of me. I need to hold onto something before I fall over. No one has spoken that name in many years. She goes by Leila now, probably doesn’t even know her true name.
“I’m not following. Is she in prison as in she’s a prisoner?”
“No, North. She’s the groundskeeper. Yes, she has been there, right under our noses for years.”
My stomach turns sour, and I hate every ounce of my being. I should have felt her. Our last lifetime there was thousands of miles between us, and I still felt her. It should have been me that found her, not South. My airway tightens with regret, and I cough to clear it, but it does not help.
It’s not too late. We still have time. This news should make me happy, but I can’t find the strength inside me anywhere to smile. South found her; he was always drawn to her, even before we knew what she was to him. She was his to protect and he failed in a sense. She and I should have never happened, but once we did, he was given a choice, take me out or join me amongst the fallen. He has always been a true friend, even when faced with such a world-altering decision, he chose the better path for me. Not him. I shouldn’t feel any amount of ill feelings that he didn’t tell me the truth. He probably didn’t want me to get my hopes up for another cold trail that would be a dead-end, but it does not set well with me.
“How long, South?” I mutter the question in an unintentional snarl, straightening my spine, and squaring my shoulders as if he can see me.
“How long what?”
“How long have you known where she was?”
“About eight hours.”
“So, you magically found yourself two towns over and stumbled over her or what? I’m not trying to be a dick, but something isn’t adding up.” I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to stop myself. I need to get all of the information before I completely lose my shit.
“Back the fuck off, North. I’ve been searching for her since we lost her the last time. It’s taken twenty-seven exhausting years to find the right dreams and it wasn’t hers that told me where she was.”
“It wasn’t?”
“It was yours?”
I want to tell him to stay the fuck out of my head, but if it is the reason that led him to finding her, I can’t. “Mine?”
“Short answer. Yes. Long answer, I’m not sure. Do you recall any of your dreams anymore?”
Taking a moment to mull over his question, I really think about it. I guess I don’t. I never really thought about it. I have always assumed I dream when I sleep but can’t remember what they are about or what takes place. It has never been something for me to second guess. In fact, if I did have constant dreams and could recall them it would be an abnormal thing for me.
“I’m taking your silence as a no.”
“You’d be correct. But South, I’ve never really dreamed. That’s your department.”
“Used to be.”
“What do you mean used to be?” I talk louder, so he can hear me over the noisy truck he is driving to keep up appearances.
“It wasn’t Delayni who was controlling her dream, not entirely. You were the one driving, but she was shifting the gears.”
“What does that even mean?” I give up standing entirely when dizziness washes over me and decide sitting on the ground with my back against the clubhouse for support is the best option right now. She has been reaching for me, and I haven’t noticed. Maybe in this life we lose one another completely.
“It means you were you, taking control like you normally would, but she couldn’t make out your face. She didn’t know who you were, but she didn’t want to let you go.”
“How does that mean I was grinding the gears or whatever you said?”
“I felt you there, brother. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain, but it was different. There’s a difference and I can feel it. You will just have to trust me on this one. Your ass was dream walking right into our sweet Delayni’s head.” Our powers are supposed to dwindle with each life’s ending, until we are completely human. We don’t have all the specifics, but gaining a new ability is not a thing that should be happening. I don’t care about the fucking rules, though. The fact that so-called Angels were not to mix with the outcasts was never a problem for me until her. She made me question everything and even on her seventh lifetime and my fourth, she continues to do so even without either of us knowing it. I refuse to sit and wonder, asking the reasons this is happening between us. I don’t need the answers now or ever if it means finding her.
“So, let me get this straight. You found her and you left her?” My voice strains and is hoarse while I fight back tears. A lump forms in my throat and I rest my head on my knees.
“Let me finish. The tattoos on her arms begin where yours end. You are still connected, probably in ways none of us understand. It’s like a damn road map, North.”
“You left her?” I repeat myself in a low, defeated tone, not acknowledging the tattoos. They are just ink driven into flesh and nothing more. Could it mean something? Of course, but nothing will matter if we leave her in a prison to rot. There is no telling what kind of life she has had this time to wind up there. Sorrow and regret push through my veins as if they have the force of a steam-engine driving them. This is not the life she is supposed to have. This is my fault. She’s paying for my sins, for my choice to love her, and let her love me.
