"Yes, you do," I told him. "You can't help yourself. You want to be a part of this. Because if we aren't, those people? They get away with what they did. To Auggie. To all the others they violated."
"You think you're a fucking vigilante now?" he snarled. "Are you going to buy yourself a cape and wear your underpants on the outside?"
"You're confusing vigilante with superhero," I said dryly. Granted, the line between them was blurred. For example… Never mind, that can wait until later.
"You're confusing reality with getting involved with shit you shouldn't," he snapped back. "If those…peoplefind out who you are, you think they won't come after you? You know they will. They won't stop until you're dead. Is that what you want? You want to end up like Augustus?"
"Are you going to throw that into my face every time we talk about this?" I asked quietly. "I miss him too."
"You might not have to miss him if she—" He gestured back toward the gallery.
"None of this is Harlow's fault," I growled. "The only person to blame for what happened to him was Fairfield. Not me, not her, notyou. None of us. This 'placing blame' bullshit? You need to stop. All it's going to do is eat you up inside."
"Maybe Iwantto be eaten up inside," he grumbled. "You want to save the world? All the people in it? Did it ever cross your mind maybe I can't be saved? Maybe I don't want to be." He shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I don't believe that." He had a chip on shoulder the size of Manhattan, but he wasn't a lost cause. "You know what I really think?"
"No. I'm sure you're about to tell me." He rolled his eyes toward the sky.
"I think you secretly got off on what you saw the other night in Archer's apartment. I think you wished you were the one to do it." I hit the target straight on, whether he wanted to admit it or not.
"How fucked up do you think I am?" He drew his brows together, a divot forming between them.
"About as fucked up as I am," I said without flinching.
"You're saying you enjoyed that." It wasn't a question.
I glanced down at the sidewalk. "Seeing him get what was coming to him was satisfying, yes."
I looked back up and pushed my hair off my face so I could see him better.
"He knew what was happening to him and why. I bet anything all the bad things he's done went through his mind at the end. On some level, deep down, he regretted it. But you know what, it was too late and he knew it. He knew he was going to die. He knew he'd lost every inch of power he ever had. We had it. Harlow, Archer, Boner and me. We had the power of life, death and suffering over him.Wedid. He took away Auggie's power and we took away his. He knew exactly how his victims felt. Every bit of pain and suffering."
Jules jiggled his keys in his pocket. "Are you listening to yourself?"
There was no heat in his words. If he could, he would have wrapped a tie around Fairfield's throat and held it there. Squeezing until life slipped away from him. Or would he have preferred to hold him under water until he stopped struggling?
"Yeah, I am," I said. "And so are you. You can deny you're listening, but we both know the truth. Fairfield is gone, but there are others."
"This… Eros guy," Jules said. "He had nothing to do with our brother."
"You don't know that," I said. "Auggie didn't tell us everything. If Eros wasn't present, chances are he was involved in some other way. If not with Augustus, then with others. Harlow's sister for one."
"And it comes back to her again." Jules tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. "Like she's the center of the fucking universe or something."
"Why do you hate her?" I asked. That was something I couldn't understand in all of this. His animosity toward her. And vice versa, I supposed.
He dropped his chin. "Because, if it wasn't for her?—"
I interrupted. "Bullshit. You didn't like her long before you decided Auggie's death was her fault." I squinted at him. The truth hit me like a half frozen fish across the back of my head. Or a Nerf ball in the face.
"You don't hate her, do you? You like her and that scares the hell out of you. God forbid the great Julius Tucker Titmus would actuallylikesomeone."
"I do not like her," he protested. "I don't like anyone. Including you, right now. If you want to fuck her, go ahead. I can't stop you anyway. But I'm not getting involved."
"Yeah, that's why you won't meet my eyes right now," I said. He was looking anywhere but at me.
"I don't want to look at your ugly face," he said gruffly.
