“We could put her in the swimming pool,” my father said.
Diane and I stared at him, neither of us quite believing he’d really said what he had.
“You’re kidding, right?” I snapped.
“It’s where she learned to swim; where she found herself as a swimmer, I mean. She learned more about swimming in that water than anywhere—”
“It’s where shedied, Ted,” Diane said, like she was talking to a dim-witted child.
“It’s where she lived, too!” he countered.
“We’re not putting her in that pool,” I said. “No way! God, I can’t even believe we’re even talking about this as a possibility.”
“But we’re not talking about it,” he said. “That’s the whole problem. You’re doing exactly what you always did with Lexie, Jax. You’re stopping a conversation before it even starts because you’ve already labeled the idea ‘crazy,’ which just means it’s outside your comfort zone, which just about everything is.”
I glared at my father. “If by my ‘comfort zone,’ you mean that I’m thinking rationally and soberly and unwilling to follow you on absurd drunken tangents, then—”
“Ithink,” Diane interrupted, “that the lake makes the most sense. I’ve got a friend with a canoe. Val. She is always trying to get me to do outdoorsy things, which is definitely outside ofmycomfort zone. I end up all swollen, covered in poison ivy and bug bites.” She laughed awkwardly, rubbed at her arms like the idea of it made her itchy.
We stared at her, stone-faced.
“Anyway,” Aunt Diane went on, “we can borrow Val’s canoe, say a few words, and let her go there.”
Let her go.I let the words tumble through me. As if it were that easy. One night, we’d sat on her bed, making shadows on the ceiling with a flashlight, speaking in hushed voices so Gram wouldn’t know we were still awake. “Even though we’re three years apart, we’re like twins,” she’d said. We were nothing alike. Not really. We didn’t even look alike. I had my mother’s dark hair and eyes, and Lexie was blond and blue-eyed like our dad. When I’d said as much, she said, “That’s the thing aboutrealtwins, Jax. They’re opposites. They’re yin and yang; balance each other out. That’s what me and you do.” She’d held up her index finger and I’d crossed my own over it. “The X girls now and forever.”
I took another swig of beer. “What about after the service?” I asked. “Should we host a gathering of some kind?”
“We can rent a space, invite people for food and drink once we leave the funeral home. I’m not set up for many people at my condo; get morethan two people in my kitchen and it feels sardine-like. There’s a back room at Casa Rosa that’s nice.”
“Let’s do it here,” I said.
“Here?” Diane said, looking around.
“Seriously, Jax?” my father said. “Dracula’s castle?”
I nodded. “Yeah, seriously, Ted. This was Lexie’s home—she loved it here. God knows there’s plenty of space. And it’s pretty cleaned up now. We’ll just need to get some snacks.”
My father frowned.
“Okay,” Diane said as she picked up her phone, started typing notes into it. “I’ll get plenty of everything. If we have leftovers, we can send food home with people.”
Her phone dinged as she held it. “Sorry,” she said, standing. “I’ve gotta take this.” She went into the hallway, and I could hear her say in a low voice, “I’m so happy you called.” She listened, then whispered something.
“Mind if I try one of the beers?” my father asked.
“Not at all.”
He grabbed a beer, and out in the hall Diane laughed, then said in a flirtatious voice, “Is that what you think?”
“I’m sorry, Jax,” he said after a moment of awkward silence. “For what I said. I know you didn’t always shut Lexie down. I know you tried.”
This was almost worse than being criticized. I shook my head. “Not hard enough,” I said. “And I’m sorry, too. Being back here is messing with me, clouding my thinking. And losing Lexie… it’s—” I struggled to finish the sentence.
“It’s impossibly difficult,” my father said.
“Look,” Diane was saying out in the hall, “I’ve gotta go. But I’ll call you soon. Promise.” She came into the kitchen, face flushed.
“One of your lady friends?” I asked.
