She had almost been married to someone else yesterday. She would hardly want to jump into anything else, even if they had been intimate with one another before. It was a lot all at once, and he needed her to know that she was safe with him, that he didn’t expect anything from her in return for staying here.
Which is why he didn’t lean forward and take her lips as he longed to. He didn’t crush her in an embrace, holding her close when he promised her she would always be safe with him.
For she would. He would make sure of it. He had been afool to tell her to marry David Carter — he had realized that when he stood in the church and watched as Carter, indifferently, observed Sharpe trying to take Ada away.
Meanwhile, every instinct within Jonny had yelled at him to run in and take her away, to never see any of these people again.
That would have to be her own decision.
She deserved better than him, a man who had grown up under Blackwood’s wing, who still might be pulled down with him. When they defeated Sharpe, perhaps he would see if his life could move forward with Ada. Until then, until he knew he was free — he couldn’t offer her his heart, for there was too great a chance that it all might be taken away from him again.
“I can’t take your bed,” she said, bringing him back to the moment. “You have a match in the morning. You need to sleep well. I will be fine on the sofa.”
“Absolutely not,” he countered.
He began walking out of the room, but she stepped in front of the door, bracing her hands on either side of it so that he couldn’t leave. “You will not sleep on the sofa,” she glared at him, and he could tell she was trying to be menacing.
One corner of his mouth curled up in a quick grin.
“Are you trying to intimidate me?” he asked.
“Is it working?”
“Somewhat,” he laughed, reaching down, wrapping his arms around her hips, twirling her around so that they reversed positions. “But you can’t outmuscle me.”
Suddenly, all of the mirth left her eyes as she stared at him, her gaze slightly hooded.
“What is it?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
“What?”
She swallowed hard. “I just… was remembering.”
The air suddenly became tense, as they both wereobviously thinking back to the last time his hands had been on her when they had been in a room alone together, just the two of them.
“Ada—” he began, but she interrupted him.
“I know,” she said. “I know that you do not want anything from me in the future. I understand that, and I am not asking you to give me anything that you are not willing to. But maybe… maybe you could just sleep next to me in the bed? Maybe hold me so I don’t feel so alone?”
Jonny didn’t see how he could possibly say no to that, even if he knew it would take everything within him to hold himself back from offering her any more.
“Of course,” he said, swallowing hard.
This was going to be a long night.
“I’ll leave you to prepare,” he said, stepping outside of the room for a moment, trying to calm his racing heart.Just sleep, Jonny. Sleep and give her the comfort and reassurance she needs.
Until he could give her more. Until he could promise her forever.
For if the opportunity presented itself, he would. He knew that now, knew that he could never watch her wed another, that no one would ever feel for her as he did.
He wished it were another way, that she would find someone better, but he would make up for all of his shortcomings with how he treated her.
He would promise her that.
One day, very soon.
