“But you would be safe,” he repeated, and Ada nearly cried out in frustration.
“Is that all that matters to you?”
“Yes, actually,” he said. “It does.”
“Why?” she practically shouted.
“Because,” he said, before dropping his head for a second. “Fuck,” he muttered, as Ada waited, as patiently as she could. “Because I care about you,” he finally said, not meeting her eyes. “Because I don’t want to see anything happen to you. Is that a good enough answer?”
Her heart started beating rapidly at that, but she had to ignore it — for now.
“If you care so much,” she bit out, “Then I would appreciate it if you would let me choose my own path. Is that too much to ask for?”
“I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you,” he said, his voice low. “I couldn’t live… with myself… if anything did because of me.”
“Don’t you understand?” she said imploringly. “My family is already involved with Sharpe. Me being with you doesn’t change anything.”
“Is that what you want?” he said, those eyes lifting to meet hers, and she couldn’t read what was within them. Did thatthought cause him pain or was he… interested? “To be with me?”
“I don’t want to, no,” she said honestly. “But it seems that… I do anyway.”
Fire flared in his eyes, even as he shook his head.
“You can’t say those things.”
“Why not?”
“Because they give me hope. And I’m not in any position to have hope. Not anymore.”
“Everyone can have hope.”
“Even those who have worked for Blackwood? Been an enforcer against innocent people? Have a brother who won’t let him move on? A former employer who is framing him for a crime he didn’t commit? You still think I can have hope?”
She read the despair on his face, understood why he was pushing her away. She stood and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands. “I do,” she said. “But if you cannot hold hope, then I will hold it for you.”
“I just…” he closed his eyes, his nostrils flaring. “I just can’t, Ada. Sharpe wants me to work with him again. I’ve told him no, time and again, but he won’t leave me alone. If he knew that there was someone in my life he could threaten me with… it just wouldn’t be good.”
“So, you are saying no to me because of Sharpe?”
He lifted his eyes to her, regret swimming in them.
Ada had been upset, but now, anger flooded through her. Anger that Jonny would choose to give in to Sharpe, that he wouldn’t fight for what they had – for what could be so good.
“That’s it, then?” she said, straightening abruptly. “You choose Sharpe?”
He lifted his hands to cup her forearms. She wanted to rip them off her, but at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to step away from this man.
“I don’t choose Sharpe,” he said in a soft voice, nearlysoothing if it wasn’t for what he was saying. “I am choosing to keep you safe. To not bring you further into this world that you are trying to distance yourself from.”
“So are you,” she argued.
“It’s much harder for me,” he said. “You have an opportunity before you.”
“So, you are willing to give me away to another man?”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes hardening.
But his answer belied what she wanted to hear.
