“Someday, I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive each other. You are brothers, and you each have a different understanding of the same situation.”
“We certainly do,” Jonny said, before looking up at his mother, biting his lip. “Do you think I’m a good person?”
His question was an abrupt change of subject, even making his sister stop in her tracks, her skirts swirling as she swivelled to stare at him.
“A good person?” his mother repeated.
“Yes. Answer me honestly. Please.”
She leaned closer, her hazel eyes boring into him.
“I think you have a good heart, Jonny. Deep within you, you want what is best for those around you. You want to save those you love. But some of your teachings at an age far too young showed you the wrong way to provide that love. I thinkyou are a good person, yes, who sometimes lets his past get in the way of showing the truth of that goodness.”
He nodded slowly, rubbing his hand over his chin.
“What’s this about?” his sister asked, taking a seat in the other chair. Her daughter toddled over to them, but instead of going to her mother, she raised her arms for Jonny.
He lifted her onto his lap without questioning, burrowing his nose in her soft, fuzzy hair.
He couldn’t tell them about Ada, or they wouldn’t stop their questions and, truthfully, he had nothing to say — nothing he could share without seeming like the ass he was, anyway. They would only tell him to go after her, to admit he was wrong, to promise her the forever that he couldn’t.
“I was angry and I wasn’t as kind to someone as I should have been,” he finally managed. “I took out my anger in a way that I’m not proud of.”
“Was this person hurt?” his sister asked.
Jonny shrugged. “I think so.”
His mother sighed as she sat back in her chair, studying him.
“Most things can be made right, Jonny, if you are true to yourself and your intentions,” she said. “Have you apologized to her?”
His head snapped up. “I never said it was a her.”
His mother smiled, exchanging a glance with his sister. “You didn’t. But I can tell by that devastated look on your face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you care about anyone besides your family that much. Tell her why you did it. What she means to you.”
He sighed. “I can’t. It’s much more complicated than that.”
“Saying how you feel won’t hurt anything.”
He shook his head. “If only you knew.”
“We could if you would tell us more. If you are asking mewhether you are a good man, Jonny, it means that you care that you are. Take that and be the man you want to be, you hear me?”
He nodded slowly. Apologizing didn’t come naturally to him, but if he wanted Ada to know he did regret how he'd handled things, there was only one way to go about it.
“Very well,” he said, nodding, even as uncertainty began to bubble in his belly. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all you can do,” his mother said, and he knew she wasn’t referring only to this situation but to the one with his brother as well. That would have to be tackled another day, however, if ever.
He’d go see Ada soon.
He just hoped she would find it within herself to forgive him.
Jonny never had a chance to see Ada the rest of the week. He couldn’t very well just show up at her house, nor did he want to involve any of his teammates in arranging time for the two of them to meet. Most of the Manchester Central players were keeping their distance from him, anyway.
For now, he was still on the team, as Rhys hadn’t said anything to the contrary when he had shown up at practice that week, likely because no one else could fill his place quick enough.
All he could do was play his heart out on game day to show them how much he valued his position on the team and that he was willing to give everything he had to play hard for them. They were playing Notts County, who gave them a good run in every game, and today would likely be as difficult a game as theyever had.
