“You have to tell Bex tonight.”
I pour myself a glass of Maker’s on the rocks just as my phone buzzes, announcing Bex’s call. She seems to enjoy when I’m shirtless for these video calls, so I made sure to ditch the shirt, but keep the gray sweats.
My glass is halfway to my lips when I tap “accept,” but I freeze when her image clears up. Bex is… a mess. Her hair is in a messy bun, she’s wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants—far from the little shorts and tank she usually takes these calls in. But it’s her face that rocks me. Bex’s eyes are swollen and bloodshot, and there’s not a trace of a smile on her face.
She knows. I don’t know how, but she fucking knows.
“Bex—”
Bex holds up a hand, silencing me. She has every right to be upset and pissed. I’m not going into this conversation blazing with excuses. Absolutely nothing I can say will make this better right now, so I wait.
After a minute of silence, punctuated with sniffles and a few deep breaths from Bex, she finally says, “Why did you lie to me?”
Fuck, her voice is broken. She doesn’t even sound mad, just disappointed, and honestly, that’s worse than if she had just started screaming at me. I did this to her. I made her feel this way. I’m a fucking asshole. Rina was right.
“I…” I trail off, not even sure where to begin to make this right.
“Here, let me help you,” she says, sitting up straight and tilting her head. “You met me one random night, and we had a few drinks, some good conversation. We had fun. And then you went back to your life, and I went back to mine.”
“Bex—”
“Let me finish.” There’s a sharpness to her tone, and I’m so happy to hear it—like maybe she’s more pissed than upset.Maybe we can work through this, I think, nodding. “But there’s something fun about hooking up with the fat girl, right? So you came back to play around, no strings attached.”
What the fuck?“Bex—” She starts to cut me off again, but I speak over her. “Stop, please. Wait a fucking minute. Please.”
The defiant expression on her face crumbles, and I recognize her front is falling. She is broken; she was just pretending not to be.
“I know I don’t deserve a chance to explain myself,” I begin. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “But… fuck, Bex. First of all, you’re not fat.” She opens her mouth to object, but it’s my turn to hold my hand up. “You’re not, so don’t try to play me like that. You’re sexy and curvy, and you’re the woman of my goddamn dreams.” I take a deep breath. This sure as fuck was not how I expected this conversation to go, but once I start, I find it difficult to keep the truth in. “We never defined ourselves, and part of that is my fault. I was having fun, and I thought you were, too.”
Bex shrugs. “I was.”
Past tense.Fuck.I swallow hard and continue. “When we met, I didn’t know what to expect. I never planned on… I can’t even tell you when it happened, but Bex, I’m fucking crazy about you.”
Her silence continues, so I say, “There are no excuses. I should have been up front about my work and why I’ve been so fucking crazy the last few weeks. But I wasn’t, and I’m a complete fucking asshole for not being honest with you.”
She takes a deep breath before she says, “You just let me believe you were done acting. Like I was a fucking idiot. Do you know howembarrassing it was to have the truth exposed, in front of my best friends, by Aaron, of all people?”
I almost cringe at the mention of my best friend. He never knew, so I don’t blame him for saying anything. And, on top of that, I never reached out to him after the hockey game to see what was going on with him. It feels like another punch to my gut, realizing how many people I’ve been letting down lately.
“Bex, baby, I’m so, so sorry. I should have told you. After a few weeks of knowing you, it was just… I was so happy having you in my life, and it was just easier not to—”
“Be honest with me.”
I sigh. “Yes. There’s nothing I can say or do to change what I’ve already said and done. Or what I haven’t said. Or done.” I wince as the words sound like a mess coming out of my mouth.
The corner of Bex’s mouth tilts, and I feel fluttering in my chest. “Smile, Bex. Please, smile. Laugh at me. Just don’t cry anymore. I’ll do anything.”
“Anything?”
I prop my phone up on the coffee table and step back a few paces, then lower to my knees. “I’m on my knees for you, Bex. Always. Even when you can’t see me. I’m at your mercy.”
She bites her lip, and I stifle a groan.
“Tell me about Sabrina.”
It’s like an anvil drops in my stomach. I must visibly deflate because Bex says, “I just want to hear about this from you. By now, Ally and Britney have recited half the internet articles about the two of you… I just want to give you achance—”
“Okay,” I say as I grab my phone and head to the couch. I settle back before saying, “For the record, she wasn’t even supposed to be a part of ‘Edgelord.’ It was a last-minute casting swap—”
