“It leaves us in the same place we were before.”
Where is that, anyway? We were on pause, but it wasn’t supposed to be the end. Now, it feels like it is—and like I have to be the one to end it. Again and again, I’m the one to set boundaries only to knock them down.
“No. We’re not in that place anymore.” I stand up and let out a bitter laugh. “Before, we were on pause. Now… now I know that I’m ruining your career.”
“You arenot.” He stands and reaches for me, but his hands fall to his sides before the contact is made. “Don’t say that, Evie.”
“It’s not an original thought. That’s what Christine said.” I throw my hands in the air, surrendering my worries to the void. “And she’s right! I never wanted to be like this. I never wanted to be this worked up over someone. I will never chooseanyoneover my career.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m not asking you to. I wouldn’t?—”
“But I’m askingyouto.” Tears fill my eyes. “Don’t you see how that’s unfair?”
He reaches for me again, looking as desperate as I feel. I’m fighting urges, wanting nothing more than to get wrapped up in his arms again, but I force myself to step away.
His hands hang limply at his sides. “I don’t feel like I have to choose. You’re leaving at the end of the summer.”
“Right.” I nod, wiping away the tears that spill down my face. “I’m leaving at the end of the summer. I’m going back to the Midwest. We should end this early.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“It’s whatI’msaying.” My throat closes up, tight enough that I can barely inhale. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking as clear as day.” His eyes harden. “Evie. I love you. You may not be willing to sacrifice your career for that, and I can’t blame you, but I’m?—”
“Don’t.” The word is choked by sorrow. “I’m sorry. I already booked my flight home. I don’t want to hear that. Not right now.”
If anyone is going to love me, I want it to be Theo. My heart still yearns for him even though it’s broken. He didn’t even break it—I did that myself. I guess I’ve always been a self-starter.
My nails dig into the palms of my hands. I can’t keep knocking down my boundaries because I want him. This has to end, and I don’t think he can be the one to do it.
But I can.
“The trip is over in a few days,” he says. “You didn’t have to do that. You don’t have to go. Christine won’t tell anyone else?—”
“I do. I need to go.” I finally move forward, rising onto my tiptoes to kiss his cheek softly. “I’m going home tomorrow morning. It’s settled. There’s nothing you can do to convince me.”
“Nothing?” His chin trembles.
“No. Nothing.” I smile sadly. “But there is one thing you can do for me. You can hold me for the night. We can pretend everything is fine. Can you give me that much?”
Theo stiffens under my touch. I lower myself to my flat feet and peer up at him, silently pleading.
“Yeah,” he says. “I can do that.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
THEO
Iwake up to a letter. Just a letter. Not her. I don’t even know who drove her to the airport. It could be Christine, or it could be a driver. How am I supposed to know? Whenever I brought up the topic, she shut it down with soft kisses, and I didn’t have a complaint.
Anything to stay close to her, even if it was only a night.
Texting her is always an option, but it doesn’t feel like one I should give in to. Evie wants space, and I can give that to her—even if I hope we find our way back to each other.
I pick up the letter from her pillow and hold it close to my chest, inhaling slowly. Her scent is still here. It’s sweet, not like bubblegum and cotton candy, but blueberries and lavender. I’ll never be able to eat a goddamn blueberry without thinking about her.
Working up the courage to open the letter takes several moments of silence.
