“I don’t have any meetings, do I?”
“No.” Her smile flickers. “No meetings.”
Evie wants me around. She may not think I’m a terrible guy for what we did, but I do. What she doesn’t know is that I jacked off with her underwear. I pleased myself with thoughts of her, and I want so much more than I can give.
She doesn’t even know her brother made me promise not to let things get this far. I broke a promise to my best friend, and I didn’t even last a day. Pathetic.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks. I know I’m a piece of shit.
“I’ll be back tonight.” I smile softly, trying to reassure her.
A coffee and a smile aren’t enough.
“Do you want me to come with you?” She beams—one of her forced smiles—and I know I messed up.
Evie is back to treating me like we’re in a business meeting. It’s probably for the best, considering we agreed to be professional, but it’s too late. I want a genuine smile. I want her to look at me like I’m special again.
But it’s not fair to want it.
“No. That’s all right.” I go to the door before she can object. “I don’t want you getting hurt again.”
“I doubt that would happen.”
“Better safe than sorry. I’ll be back tonight. I’ll bring dinner—something nice. Text me.”
“Theo—”
I’m out the door, and I don’t let myself wonder what she wants to say.
After a day with the trees, I’ll be grounded enough to set up those boundaries I discussed with Everett… and everything will be fine. I’ll stop thinking about her every time I go to sleep. She’ll move on by the end of the summer, and I won’t miss her—not even a little.
This is fine.
EVIE
Most days, I enjoy having my mornings to myself. The cottage is peaceful. Being here has given me an honest appreciation for nature, from the birds flitting around outside to the smell of the wet air, to relying on a fire for heat.
I may still be the city type, but there’s beauty here, too. That must be why Theo loves living in San Diego. It’s the perfect place where nature and city intermingle.
And there I go again, thinking about him. That’s the problem with being alone today. I can’t stop thinking about him!
I never saw myself becoming the type to wait around for someone to come home, but everything is different now. It’s different when you want someone the way I want him, and being stuck in this cabin doesn’t help. What takes up my thoughts isn’t the desire. No, it’s the fear that I’m ruining everything—my job, our newly blossoming friendship, everything.
Before, Theo was so excited to bring me into the woods, but this morning, he dismissed the idea outright. It’s my fault for being so clumsy—he doesn’t want me to get hurt again. It’s sweet.
Oh, this isallmy fault. Everything is. I shouldn’t have sat on his lap, and I definitely shouldn’t be so excited to see him again. Why am I fighting the urge to run outside and meet him?
It’s because he’s walking too slowly. All I can do is ignore what my body wants. He stomps inside, carrying a paper bag.
“Please tell me that’s not hamburgers.” I force my tone to stay light. The last thing I need is to push him away. Theo probably regrets touching me. It’s a strange pill to swallow. Even though he held me, laughed with me, and kept me close after…
It was a mistake in his eyes, wasn’t it?
“It’s not.” He grins and places the food down on the table. “Authentic Finnish food, finally.”
I sit across from him. “And what, exactly, does that consist of?”
We should already know by now, already a week into our trip, but we haven’t had time to eat anything authentic between cooking at home and trying lackluster restaurants. I want to be excited about the experience, but I’m too caught up in my thoughts.
