“Tell me about yourself.”
That’s always a safe place to start with an interview. Some are brief with their answer, some launch into long stories, and others lie through their teeth. It’s hard to know what to expect from this prospective employee.
Her neon-yellow suit says more about her than words ever could, but I try not to judge by her appearance—or the matching bee earrings. They’re cute and probably bought from a local artist. Who am I to judge?
“I like bees,” she says.
Yeah. I can tell.
“I like them, too.” My smile remains intact. “Pollinators are an important part of our ecosystem, and caring about the environment is key to this job. What do you like about them?”
She giggles. “Well, they’re just so cute!”
This is the perfect opportunity for her to discuss her passion for nature, which would make her an excellent candidate for the job. I set her up to blow me out of the water, and I wait.
One second… two…
Her foot taps against the floor. Time stretches thin as I wait for her answer.
Three seconds…
Maybe she’s nervous. It’s hard to say—nervous people don’t usually tell me about their interest in insects.
I can’t take this anymore. If she won’t break the silence, I will.
“They are.” I force my smile to grow, hoping it will put her at ease. “What about your strengths? What do you bring to the job?”
“Well…” She twists in her seat. “I’mtoopunctual. Always right on time.”
She was five minutes late.
“Unless there’s traffic, right?” I chuckle, trying to assign an explanation to her tardiness.
She frowns. “No. I always leave early. And, on another note, I’m personable. My favorite part of my last job was the people.”
Personable?She must really be nervous, because that is not the energy she radiates when she sits across from me, speaking with a slight tremble.
“That was a sales job, right?” I ask. “Commission-based?”
“Mhm.”
“What else did you like about it?”
“Nothing.” Her face flattens, lips pressed into a tight line. “Just the people. I hated the rest of it. Too much paperwork.”
It’s my third interview of the morning, and the resume had promise, but by the time it’s over… I already know I’ll have to pass. The first two weren’t any better. One could only work twenty hours a week, and the other didn’t even knowthe company’s name. They confused us with our number one competitor.
Sure, it’s a simple assistant job, but our work matters. They should know what they’re signing up for, and not doing the bare minimum of research before coming in is an issue. Then, there’s the problem of proximity. I’ll be working closely with whoever I hire, and the vibe matters—it always matters.
The vibes are rancid today.
Finally, it’s time for lunch, but I don’t bother leaving my office. I have more calls to attend to after I eat. I pull out the crinkly, brown paper bag that homes my hummus, tomato, and arugula sandwich. This is my favorite lunch option for Meatless Mondays.
“Knock knock!” A voice outside poorly emulates a knock.
Not necessary, considering that the door is made of glass. Everett’s pearly smile greets me before I invite him inside.
I sigh and set the sandwich down on top of the bag. “I’m on my lunch break.”
