“He doesn’t need to, because we’re in love!”
The words were out before Alix could think them through. She’d spoken in a low tone, but she might as well have shouted; Aunt Marie’s features were glazed in shock.
“You’re in love?” she repeated, as softly as Alix.
Alix felt heat rising to her cheeks. “I love him,” she replied, as steadily as she could.
“Oh, Alix.” Aunt Marie sighed. She’d clearly noticed thechange in syntax, and understood what it meant—that Nicholas hadn’t articulated the truth of his feelings.
“You say you love him,” her aunt continued, “which means…what? You like attending parties with him, perhaps have even shared a kiss?”
Alix decided to ignore the bit about kissing. “Nicholas understands me; he makes me happy—”
“Let me tell you something about love, Alix. It is nothing like it seems in the novels: some elemental force that makes you dizzy and weak at the knees. That is physical attraction, and as wonderful as it feels, attraction will fade. If you want a relationship that will truly last, you need a foundation of shared responsibility. Of duty.”
“That’s not love; that’s just a—a partnership!” Alix stammered.
Marie lifted an eyebrow. “And what would you know about either?”
“I have seen enough royal marriages to know that most are as you say,” Alix admitted. “A practical relationship where husband and wife exist in different spheres. They come together as needed, for children or official duties. And you’re right, those marriages function smoothly enough, but only because there is no common ground. There can be no conflict if husband and wife never share anything genuine! Love comes from living a joint life, with all the disagreements and ugliness that entails.”
“Have you everseena relationship like the one you describe?” her aunt challenged.
Alix sensed that this was some sort of test—that a great deal hinged upon her answer.
“I have,” she insisted.
“Your parents?”
“I was too young when my mother died to remember much about their marriage. I only know about it from my father,” Alix confessed. “No, when I think of fierce, unrelenting love, I think of the tenant farmers I met outside Darmstadt several years ago.”
“A Hessian peasant couple,” Marie said flatly.
“They were bent down by age and hardship, yet their hands were clasped tight. As I spoke with them, I came to learn that no matter how little they had—food, medicine, firewood—each of them was determined to give it to the other.Thatis what I want my marriage to look like. A love so great that it puts the other person before oneself.”
She and her aunt were still walking, their progress around the edge of the room slow and stately.
After a long moment, her aunt sighed. “How young you are. I forget how immediate and vivid everything feels at your age.” She glanced over at Alix and added, “Did you know I was only sixteen when I met Alfred?”
Alix shook her head, waiting for her aunt to continue.
“He swept me off my feet, wooed me so beautifully. Oh, he came to St.Petersburg and recited sonnets, pleaded with my father, threatened to shoot himself if he couldn’t have me! It was all terribly thrilling,” Marie added wistfully.
Well, now Alix understood where Missy had gotten her flair for the dramatic.
“My father told me not to marry Alfred,” Marie went on. “ ‘You’ll end up unhappy,’ he told me. ‘You’ll miss Russia.’ I hate to say it, but he was right.”
“I’m sorry,” Alix said haltingly. It was disconcerting, hearing her aunt admit to being unhappy.
Marie looped an arm through Alix’s and gave her a squeeze—in support, or perhaps in warning. “I just hope you’re right, and that you really love Nicholas with the selfless devotion of that peasant couple. Because if you continue down this path, it will require unimaginable sacrifice.”
“We know it won’t be easy.” Alix spoke uncertainly; she hadn’t really discussed this with Nicholas.
“Oh no, I’m not saying that he will sacrifice anything.Youwill.” Marie drew to an abrupt halt, turning to face Alix. “If he proposes, if you find a way to get married—which will all prove difficult enough—Nicholas will go on living the life he has always led, while yours will be rocked to the core. My dear, surely you know that you will be forced to change everything. Your home, your language, your religion.”
Alix breathed once, twice, in and out, trying to think over the skittering of her pulse. Hearing it stated so bluntly didn’t make things easier.
“Ella is in St.Petersburg. If I were ever to move there, I would at least have my sister,” she pointed out, as much for her own benefit as Marie’s.
