She raises a brow, begins to move, starts to pull her hands from mine.
No.
I study the motion, the way her fingertips glide over my knuckles… just before I lose all contact.
I’m cold once more, the contrast so sudden that my darkness tightens around me.
Touch her.
She doesn’t realise. Of course she doesn’t. That one small touch and I’m pleading for more. Desperate to reach out and pull her to me. To have her fingers trail over any piece of me she’s willing to touch…
Even my face if she want—
“Hey, J! Everything okay? I’ve had like six messages from…” Kacey’s words trail off.
Jasmine shoots her a glare with a tight shake of her head, her body rigid with frustration.
“Oh, right, okay—well… I’ll—I’ll just…” Whilst Kacey tries to mumble out words, I reach into my pocket.
Ezekial’s name is still flashing, but I swipe it away. I don’t check the unread messages, I open the group chat and scroll through the onslaught of words.
Kacey’s still trying to finish her sentence, and I decide to end her suffering.
“I haven’t replied to any of their messages. They’re concerned. That’s why they contacted you, Kacey.”
“Concerned about what?” Jasmine’s voice holds an edge of annoyance, but I don’t think it’s directed at me.
I hear Kacey’s retreating footsteps as she wisely exits.
“That I’ve made everything worse,” I say, swiping to the bottom of the chat. I don’t even read the last message before typing:
Me: Everything is fine.
Sai: Why the FUCK couldn’t you have said that 30 messages ago?
Julien: Are you sure?
Ezekial: We felt something. All of us. Did something happen?
I glance up. Jasmine’s watching me, one brow arched. She brushes the back of her hand beneath her left eye, quietly wiping away the remnants of tears.
Me: I made her cry.
Sai: Are you fucking serious? Tell me you’re joking…
Julien: Oh dear.
Ezekial: Does that mean she’s at least spoken to you?
Me: Yes. She still is.
“They say they felt something. It made them worry,” I say, watching more replies pour in.
“What did you tell them?” she asks, her voice still so soft.
Has she ever spoken to me with such gentleness before? Does she not understand what I am? What I did? Does she not see this evil being sitting before her?
I don’t deserve her kindness, her empathy. Her.
