Their absence is louder than any silence.
The ache immediate, carved into my chest, an inescapable hollowness.
I glance at the shadows which flicker, and for a breathless moment, I think one of them might return.
But they don’t.
They’re keeping their word, their promise to me, like they have every day since they made it.
I try to distract myself, checking in with the creatures that still need feeding, completing every mindless task I can find, but the ache only grows.
Relentless, bone-deep, incessant.
My fingers find that eroding spot in my chest, feeling it, claiming it.
Later on, when the light that shines through the atrium’s glass ceiling starts to lower, I go and speak with Amon. He assures me he will look after Kacey and Raelynn, even the animals, and I believe him.
Then I slip away to Kacey’s apartment, flitting into my old bedroom with help from Sai’s stone against my chest. Maybe I don’t need it anymore, but I like the weight of it, and of Julien’s beside it. I catch myself wondering if the others would ever give me one too.
I gather a few belongings, some of the clothes most likely gifted by Julien, my phone, and then my hand hovers over the Henbane plant on the windowsill, but I leave it, choosing the small sapling in the black pot instead. Last, I take the crumpled contract on the desk, the one I barely skimmed and pretended to sign a few days ago. Everything fits in my arms.
I can’t stay here. Not now, not in this apartment. Kacey needs it. She needs time with her bonded, and space for her sister.
And I need to be closer to them.
The door to their apartment is open, of course it is.
I search the bedrooms quickly. They’re all immaculate, untouched, except one. Kane’s hoodie lies on the floor, stained with blood, sheets rumpled, breakfast tray abandoned. I decide this won’t be my room.
I head for the one furthest from the living space, identical to the others, and dump my things onto the bed, feeling a flicker of pride and accomplishment.
I wasn’t ready to go back to their house. For some reason, that felt too much, too soon. But this feels right. A smaller step, a little closer, because if they can’t accept my words, my actions will have to speak louder.
And my feelings.
My fingers trace my sternum again, to that blissful ache.
Bonded. I’mbonded.
I fall onto the bed and release a breathless laugh that surprises even me.
“What the fuck,” I mutter to the ceiling, clutching my chest, feeling the connection, the ache of them.
Even with the blood rune, it’s still so strong, almost… stronger now.
Because it’s real. This is real. They’re mine and I’m… theirs.
And I’m finally accepting it.
My fingers search the bed for the nearest pillow and I slam it over my face, letting out a long muffled scream.
What would Alexis say? Fuck. What would she say? I groan into the pillow, pressing it down harder.
And if the Cloaks really have been eliminated in this District, does that mean the barrier will be dropped? I’ll be able to see her again. All of them.
I let the pillow fall away, staring up at the ceiling as those thoughts linger.
After all this time… how long had it been? How many months? I’ve lost count, too consumed by my own thoughts and my bonds.
