Kane looks at him. “I didn’t even speak.”
“Not saying that’s a bad thing…” Sai mutters into his beer bottle, smirking when Kane’s eyes narrow. “What? I’m just kidding. Kinda.” He takes a swig, but the humour’s a tether, not a joke. It keeps Kane’s eyes on him, keeps him here.
Julien catches on, sending Sai a subtle nod before addressing us all. “The reason we’re in this situation is because of two things: the way we treated Jasmine, and the truths we chose to omit.” His gaze settles upon my brother. “I propose, tomorrow, you speak—and when you do, you speak the truth.”
Kane’s eyes narrow. “About?”
“Anything. Everything.” Julien never looks away, his blood-red stare meeting Kane’s pitch-black with unyielding intensity. “Stop holding back.”
“You haven’t fed,” Kane says flatly, abruptly.
He’s met by silence.
Julien doesn’t respond, so Kane looks to someone who will. “When did he last feed, Sai?”
Julien moves away from the table, from us, trying to avoid what is to come.
“Tell them.” Sai tips his head back, eyes flicking to where Julien stands beside the window. When he doesn’t respond, Sai sighs and rolls his head back to Kane. “He won’t. Says he can’t.”
“Julien,” I say softly, shaking my head.
His back stays to us.
“Yet you touched me?” Kane’s anger is sudden, sharp. After only just leaving the realm, it’s incredibly concerning. Sai glances at me with the same realisation. “You risked yourself knowing what could have happened to you?”
“Please, do not berate me.” We all watch Julien take another sip from his newly filled glass. “The dark and I are old acquaintances. I know how to handle it, and myself. You are also aware of the many periods, in my long life, in which I have not fed. You are all more than aware of them.”
“Not being able to feed and choosing to starve are two very different things.” Kane’s voice cuts low and harsh.
“We all repent in our own ways, and this is mine.”
“When you punish yourself, you punish us all.” Kane’s voice hasn’t recovered from his time in the dark, but he ensures he puts every nuance possible into those words.
Julien finally turns, staring directly at Kane, then he moves towards him. “You do not sleep.” Two more steps. “You do not allow yourself a crumb of forgiveness.” Another, placinghim directly above my brother. “You do not even try to seek it.” His gaze bores down into Kane’s. “YetIpunish us all?”
Kane has no comeback. His gaze darts over Julien’s face, not in defiance but acceptance.
Kane always sees the good in us, no matter the atrocities we commit. His stubborn resolve to find a reason for every one of our mistakes is... admirable. But he never,ever, sees goodness in himself.
I know what he sees whenever he studies his reflection for too long. Whenever he stares into the dark, and lets it stare back—lets it tell him that’s all he is and all he’ll ever be.
“And now, you’ll redeem yourself, brother,” I rephrase, because maybe he needs to hear it that way. “And by doing that, you’ll grant the rest of us a chance at redemption too.”
Kane’s dark eyes slide to me. “I don’t deserve it.”
“This fucker,”Sai mutters to Julien and me.
“Let her decide,” I push, ensuring he hears, holding his gaze. “We bare ourselves to her, everything, and we let her decide if we deserve to be saved.”
“What do I do?” His voice is still a rasp, but the soft vulnerability is so clear it aches. He doesn’t know how to do this. He’s asking for help.
His eyes shift between the three of us.
Sai swirls his bottle, then points it at him. “You need to get her talking, and then you need to keep her talking.”
Julien sets his empty glass down and places a steady hand on Kane’s shoulder. “First, you’ll need to stop her from sending you into the realm.”
Kane nods. “And when she asks why?”
