“Why?” he demands, voice too loud. “Why would you want to be alone?”
“I… I just think we all need time to think. That’s all. There’s a lot of emotions right now. Lots of… big feelings.” I give him a small smile, one I hope is soothing. “It’s not a bad thing, Sai. I promise, it’s not.”
But he doesn’t hear me, or maybe he just can’t.
“I don’t want any alone time. I don’t want to think. I just want you.” His tone edges onto manic and my smile drops.
Oh, Goddesses. Why does he feel like that?
“I’m so sorry, Red,” he whispers, his bright eyes filling with… tears. “I’ll never stop being sorry.”
“Sai…” I reach for him. “I know you’re sorry. I really do, I—”
But he’s already dropping.
Down.
To his knees.
Again.
He’s on his knees—again.
His eyes are so wide, his breathing sharp and shallow, like I’ve just ripped something vital from him and he’s begging for it back.
“Please don’t leave,” he pleads. “Please? I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.” His voice is cracking, collapsing in on itself. “I just… I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Just tell me, please.Pleasetell me what to do. Please, don’t leave me. Please…”
I stare at him, horrified. Didn’t he hear me? I told him, them, that I don’t blame them. Not for any of it. Why is he acting like this?
He slowly hangs his head, gaze fixed on the floor, then, over and over in his mind.“She’ll never forgive us. Never. She’ll leave. She’ll leave and never come back...”
I seek out the others, desperate for someone to help. To explain.
It’s Julien who finally steps forwards, resting a hand gently on Sai’s shoulder.
“Sai, my dearest friend,” he murmurs, fingers tightening, “sometimes we need time alone. It isn’t always a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean Jasmine won’t return.” Julien’s wary gaze lands on mine, like he can’t quite believe his own words. Then, a silent promise I was never meant to hear:“I won’t ever leave you, Sai. You will never be alone.”
My breaths turn sharp as ice-cold regret rushes through me.
I’ve made Sai think I’ll leave him.
I’ve made him relive his time in that cage.
Left alone in the silence, forgotten.
I step forwards, and fall into him. The impact is so hard and sudden he has to rock back on his heels to keep balanced as my arms lock around his neck. I press my face into his chest and my shadows explode, encircling us both, binding us together.
“I’m so sorry, Sai,” I whisper, tightening my hold. “I didn’t mean to make you think…” He still hasn’t moved, but I can feel the frantic pounding of his heart. “I’m not leaving…” He flinches. “And I know you don’t forgive yourself. Not yet. But I do, Sai. I forgive you. For everything.”
My words trail into the silence, but finally, his arms wrap around me.
“You forgive me?” he whispers into my hair.
I lean back, resting my chin against his chest, staring up at his eyes still swimming with disbelief.
“Yes, Sai.”
He frowns. “But I don’t deserve—”
