But now?
I need her.
I shouldn’t be here.
I was never supposed to be like this. Like him. Never him.
My father’s voice drips through my skull.Love is a weakness.
I thought my worst fear was becoming him. The rage. The cruelty. This hollow, empty ruin of a man.
But it’s not.
It’s this.
Standing here, drowning in the dark, knowing that she’s safe in someone else’s arms.
Knowing she belongs there.
Knowing it can never be me.
I’ll never be worthy of the way she looks at me, the way she sees me.
My body shakes. My shadows shift and curl, feeding off the rot inside me.
She murmurs something in her sleep, shifting beneath the cover. My chest seizes.
I force myself to step back, but the darkness doesn’t want to leave. It stretches towards her like a starving thing, desperate for warmth, for light—forher.
No.
I shove my shadows back, forcing them into my skin. They resist. They know what I want.
What I need.
I clench my fists. I am filthy. Stained. If she saw me now—
No. She can’t see me like this.
I turn, my breath ragged, but I don’t move.
I should leave.
I don’t.
Because deep in the rotting pit of my soul, I know if she asked me to stay, I would.
Even if it destroyed me.
Even if I destroyed her.
I stare at my clenched fists, covered in blood and darkness, barely any skin remains untouched.
I should leave.
I don’t.
My feet won’t move, no matter how many times I tell myself to walk away, to be better than this.
