“How many languages do you know?”
“A few.” If she asks me to be more specific, I’m not sure I could recount them all. Although Julien knows more. “What has made you feel saudade?”
When she doesn’t respond, I turn to see she’s already looking at me. But she blinks away whatever was holding her captive.
“I’ve missed being with animals, even though I’ve never really been around them.”
“You’re good with them.”
She nods. “Because I’m an empath.”
“Because you’re kind,” I say. “Animals are pure beings, driven by instincts, not tainted by the world. They can sense things in beings that others cannot.”
“You think I’m kind?” she asks, not because she doubts the words, but because she can’t believe I’ve said them.
“To a fault.”
She frowns. “I didn’t realise kindness could be a bad thing.”
“If someone had treated me the way I treated you, I wouldn’t have responded with the same level of restraint and kindness.”
Her brows furrow, then she studies me for a long moment. “Tell me, what would you have done, in my position?”
“Reject me.” The words fall like stones, and the moment they’re out, an intense pounding erupts from my chest. I bite my tongue to distract myself from it.
Her face shifts into shock, then hurt which she quickly masks. But not quick enough.
“You can’t reject bonds,” she murmurs. “I already looked that up.”
The pounding in my chest intensifies.
She looked it up. She’d considered rejecting us.
No. Me.
Something inside me is thrashing, clawing, desperately trying to escape.
“Rejection can take many forms, like distance.” My gaze meets hers and I instantly regret it. Her eyes are too wide, too open. Too much. “I can still leave.”
It’s all I’ve thought about since she offered her friendship.
I don’t deserve it, but I still want more. I told her so, and I hate myself for it. I don’t deserve more. I don’t deserve her. And watching the oldest member of our unit fight to restrain himself while I stand here, indulging in what should never be mine, only makes me feel more wretched.
Julien and Sai betrayed her trust, but they are still worthy men. Far worthier than I could ever be.
She bites her lip, her brows pulling together, then abruptly turns from me.
“Well, if that’s what you want, I’m not going to force you to stay.” Her voice is even, but too sharp. “But instead of hidingbehind vague words, why don’t you do us both a favour and just speak plainly?”
I frown, noting the tension in her jaw, the way her fingers grip the edge of the table.
When I don’t speak, not knowing what she wants me to say, she inhales shakily as though pulling the words from somewhere deep.
“You’ve never wanted this, whateverthisis, whatever it could be.” Her voice is breathless, words tumbling out in a rush. “You hate that there’s this—this thing inside of you pulling you to me. I’m not going to force you to stay, Kane, and I’m certainly not going to beg. So do us both a favour and just say it.”
“Say what—”
“You don’t want me!” she explodes, eyes burning like untamed fires. Then she squeezes them shut, lowering her voice. “Which is… fine, but just… just fucking say it so you can stop telling me you want more, then in the same breath ask me to let you leave.”
