I couldn't type it.
It wants the pack.
Rowan didn't mince words.
Yes.
I let out a whimpering breath, pressing the phone to my forehead. The cool glass felt good against my burning skin.
I knew what this meant. A full heat, triggered by a triple match, wasn't something I could sleep off with extra meds and a heating pad. It would be days. It would be intense. And if I tried to fight it alone, in a hotel room or a bunk, it would be agony.
Okay. We have options. I'm looking at the schedule.
The bubbles danced.
Option A: We cancel the next three gigs. We drive you to a secure hotel. I stay with you. We sedate you through the worst of it using medical protocols. It will be unpleasant, but sterile.
Option B: We keep the schedule. We modify the travel logistics to keep the bubble tight. And the lads help you through it.
I stared at "Option B."
The lads help you.
My brain summoned the memory of the green room in London. Alfie’s voice through the door.Closer. Harder.The way Kit had held me when I burned my hand. The way Euan had looked when I wore his hoodie.
I wanted that. I wanted it so bad it felt like a physical hunger, a gnawing emptiness in my center that only they could fill.
But helping me through a heat wasn't just a medical procedure. It was intimacy. It was primal. It was crossing a rubicon that I could never un-cross. If I let them handle me, touch me, slick me, knot me… then I wasn't just an engineer anymore. I wasn't just a collaborator.
I would be theirs.
And despite everything, despite the "learning not taking," despite the consent anthems... the terrified teenager inside me who had been handed that "Omega Rider" years ago was screaming that beingtheirsmeant beingowned.
What does "help" look like? Legally.
Rowan, bless her, was replying instantly.
Legally? It looks like whatever you define. Hand-stuff. Toys. Scenting. Full intercourse. Knotting. You set the menu. They are the service staff.
But Zia... you know it's not just mechanical for them. If you open this door, you are changing the dynamic of the tour. You are changing the dynamic of your life.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Tears leaked out, hot and frustrating.
I'm scared.
Good. You should be. Biology is terrifying. But ask yourself: Are you scared they'll hurt you? Or are you scared you'll like it too much to ever leave?
That was it. The jagged truth.
I wasn't afraid of Alfie, Kit, or Euan. I knew, with a certainty that defied logic, that Alfie would chew off his own tongue before he crossed a line I set. I knew Kit would hold a wall for days if I asked him to. I knew Euan would rewrite his own code to keep me safe.
I was afraid that if I let them in, the Exit Card in my back pocket would become just a piece of plastic. I was afraid that I would lose the solitude I had spent ten years convincing myself was freedom.
A knock at the door.
Gentle. Three taps.
"Zia?"
