It feels dangerous. If I let go now, I don't know if I can stop.
So don't stop.
The words glared at me.Don't stop.
I can't just... go out there. They're terrified of contaminating me. Euan is literally scrubbing the air.
They're terrified because they think you don't want it. They think they're the pollution.
You have to tell them they're the cure.
That breaks the contract. "Do-Nothing Protocol."
Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't the protocol say "Do-Nothing UNLESS invited."
Send the invite, babe.
Ask them for help. Not for space. Not for meds. Ask them to help you through the heat.
That's... a lot.
Is it? You already let Alfie into your head. You let Kit bandage you up while you got high on his voice. You let Euan build you a bubble.
Maybe you'll like it. Actually, scratch that. You WILL like it. You're already reacting to their voices through wood and drywall. Imagine what happens when there's skin involved.
My heart hammered a frantic rhythm against my ribs.Skin involved.
I imagined Kit’s broad, tattooed hands holding me down instead of holding a bandage. I imagined Euan’s surgical focus applied to my pleasure instead of a mixing board. I imagined Alfie, no door between us, his mouth where he said it would be.
A cramp seized my lower belly, sharp and hot. I curled around my phone.
What if they say no?
LMAO
Zia. They wrote a consent anthem about not chasing you. They are literally obsessed. If you open that door and say "help," they will worship the ground you walk on.
Do it. Be the Producer. Manage the session.
Manage the session.
I lowered the phone.
I lay in the dark, listening to the hum of the bus engine and the aggressive whoosh of Euan’s air scrubbers.
They were out there. Probably sitting in the front lounge, miserable, cramping, vibrating with the effort of staying away. They were suffering because they thought that’s what kept me safe.
They think they’re the noise.
I closed my eyes and visualized the signal chain.
Input: My heat.
Processor: Their control.
Output: Safety.
It wasn't broken. It was just routed wrong.
