“Why—?” Selene clapped her mouth shut as the full truth hit her.
The quarters had belonged to Cassia.
Had Augustus not entered them until now? Why? And why hadn’t he talked to her about any of this? On that matter, why hadn’t he talked to her aboutanythingto do with his mother?
“Is Augustus all right?” she asked.
Lili’s dark brows drew together. “That’s not a good sign ifyouare askingme.”
No, it wasn’t. “He’s been having nightmares, but he won’t talk to me about them. I don’t know why. I keep hoping he’ll finally open up to me.”
“He’s not taking Cassia’s death very well. You should make him talk, though. This isn’t good for him.”
Selene nodded. “Thank you, Lili.”
The captain’s quarters were always in the same general area on every ship, so she had no trouble locating them. She paused outside the door,suddenly unsure who she’d find inside. She’d been learning all the facets of Augustus for months, knowing just by a mere look what sort of mood he was in.
All but one.
The one who startled out of nightmares he wouldn’t explain, that she was only now realizing had to do with Cassia. And now this…? There was an entire side of the man she loved who was a stranger to her.
She hovered near the door, palm flat against the wood. What if this pushed him further away? What if the one part of him he refused to share stayed locked away forever?
Did it matter? She would always be there for him, and there would never be a time she didn’t remind him of that.
Straightening and taking a steadying breath, she quietly pushed inside.
Augustus sat in the open terrace doorway, his back to the jamb and arms braced across upturned knees. He stared across the water as the breeze fluttered through his loose brown waves.
Selene rooted to the spot as a fissure cracked through her heart. A few weeks ago, she’d entered the kitchens for the first time and sat inside the pantry for hours just staring at the small table where she and her mother used to talk for hours.
The scene she faced now wasn’t unlike that.
Only she’d gone there to remember. He’d stayed away to forget. And still, neither of them had found peace.
Selene immediately shelved all her reasons for coming. “Oh, Augustus.”
Augustus flinched and started to look at her, but stopped partway and stared at the ground instead. His voice cracked as he spoke. “What are you doing here?”
Her steps whispered across a square of thick carpet, then clicked across the boards on the other side of the massive desk.
Augustus turned red-rimmed eyes up to her. “I was getting ready to head back.”
“There’s no rush.”
Selene lowered and mirrored his position on the opposite jamb. The breeze shaped her silk skirt to her thigh and made loose strands of hair tickle her cheeks. She intertwined his booted legs with her sandaled feet, to which he immediately closed ranks around them, twisting their ankles together.
After a deep inhale of the salty air, she released a sigh. Out on the water was a whole other world, quiet and vast. All these months on land had made her forget. “It’s peaceful out here.”
He nodded but frowned toward the bay.
She didn’t want to push him, but she sensed how tightly he was already closing those doors. “Augustus.”
A smirk flashed. “Selene.” Belatedly, his blue and brown eyes found hers. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“I know. I wish you would, though. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once. Just…something.”
He scrubbed at his jaw, then let his head fall back to bang against the wood jamb. “I can’t keep the ship. I’ve been going back and forth about it for hours, guilty, then resolute. It’s only a ship; if I keep it, I don’t have to waste time and coin on a new build for us. But…” He glanced deep into the room. “She’s everywhere I look, and I can’t live with her ghost.”
