Lili gripped a pair of the wheel’s handles. Unsmiling. Hesitant. Tormented with not a single word to say on the matter. Her dark chocolate eyes stared across the hundreds of empty miles stretching over a calm, teal-blue sea. He’d known her most of his life and rarely saw this side of her.
“Lili?”
“What?” Her gaze flitted between him and the view.
“Let’s be Augustus and Lili for a moment,” he said. “Talk to me. What’s bothering you?”
“Honestly?”
He straightened. Thiswasserious. “Yes.”
“You and I” —she rounded the wheel and stopped in front of him—“we dreamed of the day we’d do this together. You a captain, me the sailing master…” Lili looked away and bit her lip. “That dream included the fleet. Our parents and friends. I guess it’s just hitting me. We’re alone, Augustus. Onyour mother’s ship, and she’s gone. Our dads, our entire fleet, are off elsewhere. What is this life we’re building here?”
“We still have Felix and Pavle—” A look like flung daggers shot his way. “But I know what you mean.”
“You can’t even go into Cassia’s quarters.”
Flood waters, putrid and green, crashed through his stomach. Augustus gave Lili his back and clenched the railing until the wood bit into his palms. Several people had offered to clean the space out for him, but he couldn’t allow it. His father had taken a few things, yes, but that left every-fucking-thing else. The odds and ends that had Cassia’s fingerprints and scent all over them.
Lili appeared at his side. “We have other options.”
“What do you mean?”
“I love Selene, you know I do, but leaving our family and friends because she?—”
“I’m not returning to the fleet, Lili.”
Selene was the only reason they weren’t in Warian Bay with the others. He’d given up piracy because it wasn’t the life she wanted for herself, and for him, there was no life without Selene. It was that simple.
Lili nodded. “I love you, Augustus, but I didn’t sign up for this life. Call me selfish?—”
“Never.”
Even as he said it, a sharp thought slung through his mind. Lili was supposed to be his constant. She was the one friend who had never left his side for any reason. The one who’d withstood every storm he’d put them through.
He was the one who was selfish. Always had been. Wanting Lili by his side no matter the cost. Wanting Selene’s love without knowing how to keep it safe. Wanting everything...while giving so little back.
Augustus faced her. “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“I don’t think I really decided until just now. Besides, every time I turned around, someone else was walking away. And you’re my best friend. I promised you a long time ago that we were forever. Evenconsideringthe idea of leaving you feels like the ultimate dishonor.” She took his hand. “Sell this ship and rid yourself of all its ghosts. Find something that is all yours and live a full life with the woman you love.”
“What of Felix and Pavle? Will they be returning with you?”
“I haven’t talked to them about this, but no, I don’t believe so. They’re thrilled by the idea of a future without danger.” A short burst of laughter escaped her. “Strange that they don’t like the idea of dying at any moment, don’t you agree?”
“Utter insanity.”
“Besides, if they could glue themselves to Selene, they would. They adore her.” She smiled for the first time. “I understand to some extent. Other than her abhorrence for bloodshed, she’s perfect.”
Augustus laughed. “Morals? Virtue? It’s a wonder how anyone survives with either of those personality traits.”
Lili beamed, but just as quickly as her shine appeared, it faded again. “So…we’re okay?”
“On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“You have to stay long enough to find your replacement.”
