"You're an idiot," he says finally.
I glare at him, tossing back the whiskey and pouring more. "Thanks. Very helpful."
"I'm serious, Sean. You're being a complete and utter idiot." He leans forward. "That girl is falling for you. Hell, she's probably already in love with you. And you're pushing her away because... why, exactly?"
I give him a look. "Because I'll hurt her."
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Bullshit." Flynn sets down his glass. "You won't hurt her. You'd die before you hurt her, and we both know it. So what's the real reason?"
"I don't know how to do this," I admit, the words dragging out of me. "I don't know how to be what she needs. I don't know how to be... soft. Gentle. All the things she deserves."
Flynn shrugs. "So learn."
"It's not that simple." I stare at him as if he’s lost his mind. “I can’t just change who I am.”
"It is exactly that simple." Flynn's voice is firm. "Sean, you've spent your entire adult life being the Council's weapon. Being cold and efficient and alone. But you're not just a weapon. You're a person. And that person deserves to be happy."
"I don't deserve?—"
"Don't." He cuts me off. "Don't finish that sentence. You've done bad things, yeah. So have I. So has everyone in our line of work. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve good things too."
"She's too young. Too innocent." I toss more whiskey back. “She’stwenty yearsyounger than me.”
"She's a grown woman who knows her own mind. And she's not as innocent as you think—she's survived her entire family being murdered, Sean. She's survived multiple attempts on her life. She's stronger than you're giving her credit for." Flynn shakes his head. “You’ve told her that yourself.”
I know he's right. I saw that strength today when she stood up to the Council. I’ve seen it in her before. But knowing it and accepting it when it comes tothisare two different things.
"What if I fuck it up?" The question comes out quieter than I intended. "What if I'm too damaged, too broken, and I end up hurting her anyway?"
"Then you apologize, and you try to do better." Flynn's expression softens. "That's what people do, Sean. They fuck up,and they fix it. But you have to actually try first. You can't just give up before you've even started."
"I've been alone for a long time. I know how to do alone."
"Just because you know how to do something doesn't mean it's good for you." Flynn pours more whiskey. "What I'm saying is, maybe stop fighting this so hard. See where it goes. Let yourself be happy for once in your miserable life."
"And when Brennan comes for her? When someone else decides she's a target? When she gets hurt because of what I am?"
"Then you deal with it. Together." He holds my gaze. "You're not alone anymore, Sean. You have her. You have me. You have people who give a shit about you. Stop acting like you're still that fifteen-year-old kid with nothing to lose."
His words settle over me, heavy and uncomfortable. Because he's right. I'm not that kid anymore. I haven't been for a long time. But I've been acting like it, keeping everyone at arm's length, refusing to let anyone in.
Refusing to admit that maybe I'm tired of being alone.
I think about how my chest tightens when I see her. How I can't stop thinking about her. How the thought of something happening to her makes me want to burn the world down. How cooking with her in my kitchen felt more intimate than sex ever has with anyone else.
“I want her,” I admit quietly.
Flynn rolls his eyes. "Then tell her, you fucking eejit."
I glare at him. "It's not that simple."
"It is exactly that simple!" Flynn throws his hands up. "Go in there right now and tell her how you feel."
"She's asleep."
