"For scaring you. Again." I move closer, carefully, like she's a wild animal that might bolt. "I shouldn't have lost control like that. With Eddie and Davis. They were doing their jobs."
Maeve looks down, her lips pressed together. "You fired them."
"Yes." I draw in a breath, wondering if I should say anything about the conversation with Jack, if it’ll help.
Sorrow fills her soft blue eyes. "Because I got hurt."
"Because someone got through their security." I sit down across from her, needing her to understand. "Because my wife was shot, and I need to know it will never happen again."
"So you're bringing in new people?"
I run a hand through my hair. “Jack talked me into letting them stay on,” I say finally. “But I am bringing in someone new to help me oversee things. Flynn O'Neill. He's my oldest friend. The only person in this world I trust completely." I lean forward, my elbows on my knees. "He'll be here tonight. He'll coordinate security, make sure what happened today never happens again."
Maeve finally meets my eyes. I can see a hint of curiosity in her face, and something else, too. Surprise, I think. "You trust him to protect me."
I nod. "I trust him with my life. And with yours."
She's quiet for a long moment, studying my face. "You really were scared, weren't you? When you heard I'd been shot."
It takes me a long moment to speak, to sort out what I should say. I settle on the truth, in its simplest form. "Yes," I finally say.
"Why?" Her voice is soft. "You don't even like me. You've made that very clear."
“Because—” I try to articulate it, but I can’t. I don’t even fully understand why I felt the way I did. It went beyond responsibility, beyond the fact that my life is on the line if I fuck this up, but I fall back on that, anyway. “Because you’re my responsibility, Maeve. I’m meant to protect you. I thought I’d failed.”
“Oh.” She looks down at her hands. “You keep pushing me away. But you don’t want anything to happen to me.”
I let out a breath. “It’s complicated. And it doesn’t matter. Because whether I push you away or not, you're still my wife. Still my responsibility. And I will keep you safe."
Maeve sucks on her teeth for a moment, still staring at her hands. "I'm scared of you," she admits. "Terrified, actually.Especially after yesterday, after seeing what you did to that man. And today, the way you looked at Eddie..." She shudders. "But I don't think you're a monster. I think you're a man who's probably been hurt so many times that violence is the only language you know how to speak."
The words hit like a physical blow. I stare at her, unsure of what to say. She knows nothing about me, but it feels like she’s sliced to the heart of me, opening me up in a way that makes me want to shut down altogether. To close off any chance of her looking deeper into that wound.
"You're wrong," I say roughly. "I'm a killer. An assassin. The Wolf of Dublin."
“Is that it?” She looks at me, and I can feel her wanting to pry. Wanting to find something that will justify her seeing me as a man.
But I can’t give it to her. Because, as much as anything else, I don’t deserve to be looked at as anything but a beast.
When I don’t say anything else, Maeve stands up slowly, still a little shaky on her feet. I rise and reach to help steady her, but she shakes off my hands.
“I’m going to bed,” she says, turning away, and I flinch, thinking at first that there’s an invitation in her words. But there’s not, of course. It’s just a simple statement of fact, and I feel like a fool for thinking anything else, even for a second, as she walks away.
A woman like Maeve is never going to invite me into her bed willingly.
And, husband or not, I have no right to be there.
—
Flynn arrives ateight in the evening, with a duffel bag over his shoulder and his trademark cocky grin on his face when he meets me on the front steps. "Well, well. The Wolf got himself married. Never thought I'd see the day."
I shake my head at him. "Shut up and get inside."
His grin fades as he takes in my expression. "That bad?"
"Someone tried to kill her today."
"Fuck." He follows me into the study, all business now. "Tell me everything."
