"I don't think that really applies to us, though," he said. And he wasn't asking a question, he was making a statement, like he was confident about her.
"Thanks." Her word was soft. He looked up, a bit of surprise in his eyes at her tone.
"You thought I would think that about you?"
She lifted a shoulder. "I guess you don't know me very well."
"I think I know you better than you think I do. I might have been talking to a few people about you. Not in a gossiping kind of way, but in a 'I like her a lot, and I'm trying to find out a little bit more about her before I approach her' kind of way."
"Okay."
"I guess we were talking about my job, and how if you were going to be with me... we're talking about marriage, right?"
She took a breath and nodded. That's what they were talking about. The M word. It was funny—when she was younger and getting married to Cam, she didn't really give it much thought. But after she was married, she realized exactly how trapped she was. If someone made a bad mistake and married the wrong person, the Bible didn't really give them much of an out. They pretty much had to make the best of it. Modern teaching tickled people's ears and made it seem otherwise, but there was no Biblical out for someone in a marriage, other than adultery. Jesus was very, very clear about that. And even in the case of adultery, Olivia wasn't entirely sure that God wouldn't want them to try to stay and make the best of it.
Marriage was indeed for life.
"Yes. We're talking about marriage. It's a lifetime commitment. Not one I take lightly."
"Me neither. And that's important."
She nodded. She didn't want someone who wasn't completely committed.
"I can't be a pastor and be divorced. Well, I suppose I can be divorced, but I can't remarry. Regardless, I don't want to have divorce be a part of my vocabulary. If we get married, I want us to do whatever we need to in order to make things work. Whatever we need."
"All right. I agree with that. I don't want to be divorced, and I don't believe in it, unless we're looking at adultery, and even then I'm not entirely sure that God wouldn't rather we forgive and try to work and keep the marriage and family together. He talks a lot about that in the Old Testament, when he compares Israel to an adulterous woman. He always wants her to come back to him."
"Very good. I'm impressed with your biblical knowledge. I don't know why you think that you wouldn't be a perfect pastor's wife."
"I don't feel the slightest bit qualified."
"I'm pretty sure that is what makes you exceptionally qualified. If you were confident that you could do it, if you thought you deserved that teaching position and thought that you had a lot to offer other people, I guess I would question it. Not that I would say that you didn't—it's just... there's a lot of pride involved in that."
"Yeah. I can see what you're saying, but I'm serious. I don't know the Bible that well, not like I think a pastor's wife should."
"Well, there is something that you're going to have to deal with. A lot of times people hold a pastor's wife to a higher standard than they hold anyone else."
She closed her mouth and leaned back, a little surprised. He was right. People did hold pastor's wives to a higher standard, and if she got married to Mark, she would be the pastor's wife!
People would hold her to a higher standard!
"Wow. That's just sunk in."
"Well, it's a good thing to think about. Because once we're married, you can't get out of it. And I can't change it. People are going to expect you to be super spiritual, they're gonna want you tobe held to a higher standard than anyone else. They're gonna want your kids to be more spiritual than anyone else's kids. And anything that your kids do, that you do, that you wear, that you say, that you go—it's all going to be held under the microscope."
"Wow. Okay. You're right. I do that myself, and now I see how wrong it was, but there's no changing it, and there's no way I'm gonna be able to get people to not do it to me. I guess in a way I deserve it."
He shook his head.
"No, I definitely wouldn't say you deserve it, but it's true."
"I've never noticed that you seem to resent or are affected in any way by the fact that people probably do hold you to a higher moral and religious standard than anyone else."
"I guess I just feel like I want to be held to that high standard. I want people to be watching me. I want to know that there are people following me, that will help me stay strong and stay true. I mean, I want to do right just because I love Jesus, but sometimes the flesh tempts you to do things that you shouldn't, and it's so helpful to me to know that there are people around me watching me, holding me to that high standard, and that if I fall, it's going to be really bad for me."
"So you're not perfect?" she asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes a bit. It wasn't that she thought he was perfect, she just couldn't imagine him being tempted to do wrong.
"Not even close."
