The thought of their intimate moments in the garden made her stomach turn. Farah couldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t bind herself for life to a man who saw her as an obligation. What if he met someone who stirred his heart the way she never could? The thought of watching him grow to resent her, of living with the knowledge that he’d rather be anywhere else or with someone else…
But what choice did she have? Her reputation hung by a thread. If she didn’t marry Rockwell, she’d be ruined. Her brother would be furious if she cried off—might even force her to marry Franklin, bringing her full circle to where this nightmare began. Running away wasn’t an option either. Not really. Not if she wanted children.
Unless…
Lucien’s proposal floated to the surface of her troubled thoughts like a lifeline. Lauren was right. He needed her help. He’d proposed marriage in front of theton. It would be a neat solution to both their predicaments—her scandal and his need for a wealthy wife. At the time, she’d refused, believing she had another choice. But now…
Perhaps a marriage without love’s illusions would be kinder than one built on beautiful lies. At least with Lucien, they both knew exactly where they stood. It was more bearable than living with the constant hope that Rockwell might one day love her truly. And Courtney certainly didn’t seem so enamored of her returned-from-the-dead fiancé.
Drawing in a shaky breath, Farah gathered her skirts and quietly made her way down the back stairs. Each step felt like both an escape and a betrayal, but she had to protect what was left of her heart. She had to find Lucien before it was too late. Before she made the biggest mistake of her life by marrying a man who could trample her heart to pieces because he saw her as nothing more than a duty to be fulfilled.
She slipped out of the house while the other ladies were still distracted with wedding preparations. The afternoon sun seemed to mock her with its cheerfulness as she made her way toward Danvers House, where Lucien was staying with his father. No one gave her a thought and with her eyes swimming in tears, she’d not recognized anyone, anyway.
Each step felt heavier than the last, her heart pounding in an erratic rhythm. Was she making another rash decision? But surely, any port in a storm was better than drowning in false hopes. Lucien freely chose to do so, and Courtney had essentially given her permission to accept Lucien.
The butler at Danvers House seemed startled by her appearance but showed her into the library where Lucien sat reading to Ava-Marie. The little girl’s face lit up when she saw Farah.
“You found me!” she exclaimed. “Are we playing hide and seek again?”
“Not today, sweetling,” Farah replied, forcing a smile. “I need to speak with your father about something important.”
Lucien studied her face for a long moment before turning to his daughter. “Why don’t you go find Caitria and see if she’ll take you to feed the ducks in the park?”
Once they were alone, he gestured for Farah to sit. “What’s wrong? You look upset.”
“Your offer,” she blurted out. “Is it still open? The one about marriage?”
His eyebrows rose in surprise. “Lauren informed me you were marrying Rockwell tomorrow.”
“I can’t,” she whispered, tears threatening again. “I just… I can’t.”
“What happened?”
Haltingly, she explained what she’d overheard. With each word, fresh pain lanced through her heart. “So, you see,” she finished, “he was just doing his duty to protect the family name. I’m not sure he has any feelings for me at all.”
“I’m totally confused. Are you saying you have feelings for me then? Because you state you want love in a marriage. I don’t love you. I barely know you, but we could make a fine marriage. I like you. I am attracted to you and you dote on Ava-Marie. Youknow the truth about her lineage, and yet you care about her.” He shrugged. “Besides, perhaps love can grow.”
Rockwell had said exactly the same thing, but did he mean it? Lucien obviously did.
“I think you should talk to Rockwell before making any rash decisions,” he said.
She scoffed. She didn’t trust herself. If Rockwell spoke more pretty words, would she believe him? Could she believe him? She shook her head. “Is it possible for you to get a special license by tomorrow?” Lucien sat silently, contemplating her. “I have a very large dowry. My brother is a duke and he will be very pleased to see me wed. He won’t care who I marry, as long as I marry.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Lucien said something else under his breath.
“Can you imagine marrying a woman who loves you, but you wonder if you’ll ever love her back? I know you understand because that’s why you haven’t offered for Courtney. It wouldn’t be fair to her. Well, marrying Rockwell is not fair to me. Will you help me and let me help your family by giving you my dowry?”
Slowly, a smile crept over his face and her heart froze as she realized she was about to get what she asked for. “Iwillmeet you at the altar tomorrow morning at your brother’s house.”
A part of her died inside. “How am I going to tell Rockwell?”
Lucien stood suddenly all businesslike. “Leave everything to me. I’ll deal with Rockwell and your brother. You return home and continue your preparations for tomorrow as if nothing is amiss.” He drew her into his arms and hugged her. Nothing lit up in her body at all. She closed her eyes against the pain. Lucien wasn’t Rockwell and he never would be. But at least he could never break her heart.
She pushed out of his hold. “Thank you. I hope you’re sure about this.”
“Oh, I’m very sure.”
*
