All too soon, her whole body convulsed. She was flying so high, she thought she could see heaven, and she watched as her body’s juices covered his hand. His fingers stilled deep within her, but his thumb kept up its circular movement until she had to close her legs to stop him. The sensations were too much.
She slumped back against the chest, breathing heavily, and closed her eyes. She couldn’t imagine sharing this pleasure with anyone else. Only Rockwell. Tears slipped beneath her closed eyelids to run down her cheeks. She would lose him soon, and then what would she do? How long would the memory of the pleasure he shared with her stay in her heart and mind?
“Sharing a life of passion would be enough for me. Perhaps my trips would be shorter knowing you were waiting at home for me. But you have to decide on the life you want. I’m not selfishenough to deny you a choice when I’ve made mine. Exploring will always come first.”
She blinked back tears. She would not cry over a man who would not let her into his heart. Farah simply nodded and pulled her bodice into place. “Let’s hope that the uproar of Lucien returning means my disappearance goes unnoticed. Then I won’t have to choose.”
She rose to her feet and let her skirts fall. She couldn’t help but notice his erection straining behind his breeches. But she turned away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She frowned. “For what? You are not to blame for me being in this position.”
“For not being the man you want me to be.” He looked so sad. “I tried to tell you at the ball that night. I’m not looking to marry.”
She sighed and stepped into the moonlight. “I could say the same to you. My actions have put you in a terrible position. You shouldn’t have to choose me over your freedom.” But her heart ached because, damn it, she wanted him to choose her.
Because she’d fallen in love with him.
“Just bad timing all round. Maybe if it had been in a few years…”
She turned away. “I don’t have a few years. Young ladies are thought to be on the shelf by three and twenty. But at least this adventure has taught me something about myself.” She swung back to face him and stood up tall and straight. “I don’t want to be a timid mouse. And I shall not let my brother force me into a marriage I do not want.”
“And how do you propose to do that?”
She would run. She would buy her cottage in Cornwall and live a quiet life. She might eventually find another man worthy of her love, once Rockwell was no longer in her heart. “You’ll see.”She added, “I must get some sleep. It’s going to be a long few days of travel. Good night.”
*
Rockwell watched herwalk away, his cock throbbing. He shouldn’t have touched her. Shouldn’t have tasted her because the need to take her and make her his burned through his body. He stood breathing heavily until he got his body under control.
He knew she could stand up to Blackstone. She’d changed on this trip. Changed into a woman he admired and desired. He’d never been one to succumb to jealousy, but having to sit and watch Lucien openly flirt with her made his appetite flee. And worse, Farah gloried in Lucien’s attentions and flirted back.
He looked up at the stars and cursed under his breath. Suddenly, the mystery of Farah was looking very enticing, perhaps even as enticing as exploring the Nile.
What would she do when they returned to London? How would she thwart her brother? But the worst horror of all was, would she accept Lucien’s courtship? Rage built behind his eyes until his head pounded. His body screamed “mine!” But his heart’s fortress remained in place. He desired her, that was all.
But the kernel of a life different to the one he’d envisioned filled his head. Sitting by the fire in winter with Farah and his children around him. But what would he do if he didn’t explore the world? He was too restless to sit at home doing nothing.You have that estate in Suffolk.How long could he stay by her side before his need to travel saw him leave her and any family they had?
He walked to the railing and looked at the dock below. Tomorrow they would head to London and both their fates would be decided by what awaited them there.
It surprised him he no longer cared if he had to offer for Farah.
But as he made his way to his cabin, he realized Farah might care more than he. It was obvious she wanted more than a seafaring explorer as a husband.
She might well choose Lucien.
Then he’d lose the best friend he’d only just brought back into his life because he couldn’t watch her marry Lucien.
Thank God he’d be able to leave immediately for his African trip.
Chapter Fourteen
London—5 days later
After five longand tiring days, they thankfully made it to the outskirts of London just as night fell. Darkness would hide her arrival home. Farah’s heart raced with anxiety. She stole glances out of the window as they trundled through the streets near her home, half-expecting to see curious faces peeking out from behind curtains. Or worse, society gossips ready to spread rumors like wildfire.
Ava-Marie had cried most of the day. The little girl had had enough of being cooped up in the carriage for the five days it had taken to cross England from the coast. There were only so many games ofspot the sheepto play. As they reached Richmond, the little girl finally slept.
