Farah stopped walking and faced Caitria. “You know he needs to marry for money. Plus, he has a fiancée. Lady Courtney, my friend. She’s mourned his death and has never married. She loves him.”
“Perhaps she loves a ghost? Do you think he’s the same man?”
“I didn’t know him very well, but no. He has definitely changed. But I still think he’s a good man.”
“Does Lucien know about Courtney?”
“Yes.”
“Yet he’s still interested in you. That says a lot about where his mind is. Perhaps he wants to start anew. He’s a different man and he might want to let go of his past, as he’ll never remember it.”
Farah sank down to sit on a barrel. That had a ring of truth about it, but he was more likely afraid of what he was about to face and she was convenient. “If that’s true, Courtney will be devastated all over again.” She rubbed her forehead. “Everything is getting so complicated. So many people could end up getting hurt.” And now she was trapped between two friends, both wanting the same man. A part of her thought Caitria suited this new Lucien better, but she wouldn’t help the family’s financial position. Then there was Courtney… Courtney loved him so and could help him with her large dowry.
“I’ll think about your suggestion. But I won’t let him force me into a marriage if he doesn’t.”
“Don’t think for too long. You only have a few days, a week at the most, before we reach London.”
Chapter Thirteen
The gentle lappingof waves against the hull provided a soothing soundtrack as Rockwell stood on the deck, his gaze fixed on the brilliant stars overhead. Farah came up beside him, shivering slightly in the cool night air. They had docked in time for dinner and it had been a pleasant evening. During the meal, she was very aware of Lucien’s attentions, as was Rockwell.
“You seem pensive this evening, Rockwell,” she said. Perhaps Caitria was right in her assumption that Rockwell didn’t appreciate Lucien’s flirtation. “What occupies your thoughts under this vaulted night sky? Are you worried about the reception I may get when we return to London?”
Rockwell turned to her, his eyes alight with the passion that so drew Farah to him. But she quickly realized it wasn’t a passion for her alone. He was staring at the stars above.
“Just contemplating the vast mysteries that lie beyond the horizon, waiting to be unraveled by bold explorers. I wonder if man will ever explore the heavens.”
She tipped her head back. “I think sometimes it’s better not to know what is out there. I prefer to bask in the beauty and not question why. Then you can’t be disappointed.”
“Yet the world holds such wonders, Farah—uncharted lands, undiscovered peoples and creatures, unsolved riddles of science and nature. I must seek them out and quench this thirst for knowledge within me.”
“The stars have the power to make one evaluate life. I’m so unimportant in the world’s scheme. We are on this earth for such a short time. It’s humbling to realize that centuries ago, the Romans and Greeks stood and looked up to this sky and saw exactly what I’m seeing now. The heavens haven’t changed for thousands of years.”
He reached out and stroked a finger down her cheek. “You and I are so different. You might be satisfied with simply reveling in the beauty of this world, but I see a puzzle. Man has evolved over time because men ask ‘why.’ If you were standing in front of a closed door, surely you’d be inquisitive enough to want to know what’s on the other side?”
“I’d prefer to peer through the keyhole and not take the risk that something awful was on the other side.”
He gave a rich laugh that warmed her. “What made you into this timid mouse I wonder? Ihaveto walk through that door.”
She shook her head slowly. “When I was ten, my mother died. A few days before her death, I’d snuck out to attend the country fair after I’d been forbidden to go. Father was very ill by then, but mother was still awake. My parents were worried about the lung disease spreading and my mother was scared I might get sick too. When she and father died, I thought it was God punishing me for being defiant. I thought my bad behavior killed her. So, I made a promise to be good and do everything I was told if God would spare my brother, who had also fallen ill. I didn’t want to be alone. And when he survived, I knew I had to keep that promise. It became second nature to be docile, and I let it happen…”
He wiped the tear tracking down her face. “It’s about time that little girl faced her fears. You know that it wasn’t your fault. And you’ve become a beautiful, strong woman who knows her own mind.”
Warm spread through her. Farah’s brow furrowed as she studied his expression in the dim lantern light. “You speak as if your very soul depends on these voyages of discovery, this endless wanderlust.” She paused, suddenly troubled. “If I were to become your wife, you would be forever leaving me behind as you sailed over the horizon in pursuit of these mysteries, wouldn’t you?”
Rockwell took her hands in his, his calloused fingers contrasting with her soft skin. “You know I won’t lie to you. You must understand, this need to wander is part of my very being. I could no more ignore it than I could halt the turning of the earth.”
“It’s your passion.”
His face split into a wide grin. “If you could only see the things I’ve seen, you’d understand. The jungles of the south Americas are like no other place on Earth. Towering trees and dense foliage teeming with life—monkeys scampering through the canopy, brilliant birds of paradise taking flight.”
Farah listened with rapt attention, imagining the exotic lands he described. “But surely the dangers are great as well? Venomous serpents and wild beasts?”
“Indeed.” Rockwell nodded. “On more than one occasion, I found myself face to face with a hungry enormous cat or bloody great python. But the thrill of discovery, of being one of a few to look upon those untamed lands, makes the risk worthwhile.”
His animation was infectious as the moon danced over his handsome features. “From my earliest days, I’ve felt a yearning to explore the unknown, to traverse the blank spaces on the maps. With each new journey, I’m plagued by more questions that can only be answered by further exploration.”
Turning to face her, his expression took on a wistful aspect. “The world is so vast, so filled with mysteries, awaiting an intrepid soul. I fear I’ll never be able to satiate this driving needto discover what lies over the next ridge, across the next ocean. It’s an insatiable hunger. It’s what I was born to do.”
