“Yes, you did. You wanted to learn more about me.” Then he got back into the hackney.
The wind was buffeting her tiny frame so much, she was almost swept off her feet. “You can’t hold that against me. If things go wrong, we may end up married. That’s scary. While I know you, I don’t really know you. Can you understand? You’ve always just been my best friend’s older brother. Not an actual flesh and blood man.” She stamped her foot. “I’m not explaining this properly.”
He leaned out the window and cupped her cheek. “I understand. But if we must marry, my life before our marriage is just that—my life.” Then he drew in a deep breath as the pain flashed in her eyes. As the carriage drew away, he thought the wind carried to his ears, “True love has no secrets.”
That was what he was afraid of. She wanted more than he could ever give. If they couldn’t sneak home and avoid a scandal, he was going to hurt her.
And he hated that.
Chapter Seven
Two days later,they set off for Malahide. As the carriage rattled along the uneven road, Rockwell and Farah exchanged worried glances. The verdant Irish countryside passed by in a blur. Farah wished she could take it all in, but maybe on the way back, once they’d found Lucien, she could relax and enjoy this trip. At the moment, the two of them had their thoughts firmly fixed on their missing friend.
Rockwell, his normally composed demeanor slightly frayed around the edges, broke the tense silence. “What am I going to say to him if I find him?”
Farah, her brow furrowed with concern, leaned forward in her seat. “Be truthful, Rockwell. If he deserves your censure, then do so. It seems unlike him not to send word home or not to go home. If it is him, I fear something dreadful has occurred. Maybe he’s being held prisoner.”
He reached across the space and squeezed her hand. “I’m almost hoping that’s true.” He shook his head. “How awful is that?”
“You’re just being honest. His disappearance hurt you, too.”
He turned to look out the window and she left him to his thoughts. She too had tossed all night, wondering if this romantic image she had of Courtney and Lucien was a charade. If he had run from his obligations and family, she’d make Rockwell swear that when they returned to London, he’d sayLucien was dead. She could not bear to hurt her friend by revealing the truth.
“What time will we make Malahide?”
He gave her his attention. “We should be there just after lunch. It will give us time to do some initial scouting.”
She was pleased that she wore gloves to prevent her nails from being bitten to the quick.
“Why did your brother refuse your marriage to the Conte?”
Gosh, where had that question come from? What had Rockwell been thinking about? Perhaps the most likely outcome of this adventure. A scandal-ridden engagement and marriage. Not if she could prevent it.
“You know why. He thought Philippe was after my money and not good enough for me. Blackstone has a grand dislike of the French.”
“Didn’t you explain to him you loved him?”
She didn’t know how to respond to that question. Had she loved Philippe, or was it simply because a handsome man had shown interest in her, and she saw a marriage to him as a way out of her brother’s grasp? To always live under her brother’s rule, even though his behavior stemmed from love for her, never knowing if he’d approve of anything she did… It was so tiring. Farah saw that she would have to stand up for herself because no one else would. When they returned to London, she’d make Blackstone see her. Make him understand she was an intelligent and capable woman.
Although if he finds out about this trip, any chance of that will vanish.
“Of course, but he didn’t care. I think I would have been content with Philippe.”
“Content? Is that enough for you? I thought you told me you want a grand love like the one between Tiffany and Wolf.”
“I didn’t back then. But I’m older and wiser now, and I know what I want. I don’t think Philippe and I would have had a grand love affair, but we could have been happy.” She paused and took in the look on Rockwell’s face. “What is it? What is on your mind?”
He shrugged. “I’m just thinking of Ashley and Ivy. Both Wolf and I would do anything to protect our sisters, but we would also want to ensure they have happiness in their lives. I can’t imagine Wolf or me forcing them to do anything they didn’t want to.”
“Is that what you did for Ashley? You let her make her own choice, regardless of the scandal?” What was the scandal? She was dying to know. Would he tell her?
“Absolutely. I love her and we would both do anything for her. That’s why I cannot understand Blackstone’s treatment of you.”
She turned to look out the window. “You are nothing like my brother. If you were, I would not be in this carriage with you. I would have been sent home and married off with no say in the matter. Is my scandal going to be so different from Ashley’s? She’s survived hers. Surely I can survive mine.”
“Yours is nothing like Ashley’s.” She watched Rockwell’s hands clench into fists. The venom in his voice shocked her into silence. What on earth had happened to Ashley? The mood in the carriage thickened.
Finally, he said, “You think you’re this timid, shy woman, but I think you are stronger and more determined than you realize. I’m pretty sure you can survive anything. Ashley proved to me just how strong women are. Women are called the weaker sex and it’s absolute rubbish.”
