Jesus, his honesty hurts.
7
Trace
My ass hurts sitting on the hard ground, but every nerve in my body sits at attention.
Why does Sorrow have to move to Alexandria or Montgomery to test out what she’s learned from me? Why can’t she go with our friend group and me to DU? I can keep a closer eye on her. But the big cities? Ain’t no way. Too many people.
That’s why Dumas, a small college town, will be a better place to test her experiment. There will be a control group of guys who will trip over each other as they compete for the top spot in Sorrow’s heart, because once I’ve taught her the hard knocks of life, including not catching feelings for a hookup, Sorrow will become the femme fatale. She’ll be the female version of me, the kind of girl who loves and leaves, breaking hearts left and right.
Pride washes over me, and I sit up tall with my chest puffed out. Sorrow Sophia will be a younger version of me, leaving a trail of heartache behind her.
“I know what I want physically.”
Sorrow’s words cut through the tense silence. I shouldn’t have been so honest with her, but it’s the only way to avoid misunderstandings. Had she not been left homeless by the fire, and my parents hadn’t offered her a place to stay, I would have avoided her as the other kids do.
“I’ve thought it through.”
“Shoot.” Consent is important, and so is being very clear about what we can and cannot do in this experiment.
“Clothes stay on. Touching through our clothes. No intercourse.”
I chortle. “You have this all figured out, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she says in this quiet voice that reeks of uncertainty.
But there’s something else in that one word that makes my mouth water. Pride. Sorrow is proud of herself for thinking up this whole scheme of distracting the predator from his food with a little game of seduction. I can go along with that.
“How long has this experiment of yours been living rent-free in your head?”
I don’t have to see her to know she’s now nervous. With her arms still wrapped around my neck, she shifts her attention from my face to the view of the lake. Were I not holding her in my lap, she’d be bunching something in her hand and wearing down her bottom lip with her teeth. I cannot wait to grasp her full bottom lip between my teeth and nip and taste until she begs me to kiss her full on the mouth. Sorrow has a sexy mouth, with her bottom lip fuller.
“Um, since you kissed Rue in front of half the student body.”
I remember that day well. Malice was hounding me to end my fake relationship with Rue. I prolonged his torture because I’m a mean motherfucker, messing with my boy’s head for not seeing the obvious—that he’s had a massive hard-on for Rue since forever and needed to do something about it pronto, rather than drown in his jealousy and longing for her.
So, I did what any good friend would do when his buddy needed a kick in the ass to get things moving—I kissed the girl he had a hard-on for. The side effect of that kiss was Sorrow’s jealousy.
If Sorrow’s sulking wasn’t a telltale sign of her unhappiness, her avoidance of me spoke volumes. Sorrow didn’t talk to me on the drive to or from school or to her therapist’s for two weeks.
What tore me up was when she apologized for how she acted. It was a coping mechanism she learned from her father. Her truth hit me hard. Her vulnerability and trust in me to tell me something so personal had me hurting more for her.
My parents are more like roommates than a couple, but at least they taught me how to have tough conversations without resorting to stonewalling.
I have to give that to my parents. They might’ve stopped loving one another, having outgrown each other, and are only staying together until I graduate, but at least they’re decent people. Sorrow’s dad sounds like a complete headcase.
“You know the kiss didn’t mean anything, don’t you?” Why am I telling her this? Wouldn’t I rather have her jealousy than have her believe she has a chance with me?
“How do you make it not when your mouth is on another person’s? And Rue is gorgeous. If I were a guy and I kissed her, I would feel all sorts of emotions.” She toys with the hair at my nape. My cock stirs. I clear my throat.
“That’s why you lock down the feels before you swoop in for a taste.”
“Are you saying if we were to kiss right now, I should concentrate on the act?”
“Yeah, and lock down the feels. That’s the important part.”
“But I’ll feel something. My heart will race. My body will get hot. I’ll, um, ache down there.”
