The majorityof the players are on vacation with their families, so the offices are quieter than usual. I struggle to focus and check my cell every hour, hoping for a message from him.
Some days, I cry. Over the years, I have shed oceans of tears, and it’s running dry. My body goes through the process, and then there is nothing but a dry, scratchy throat. It hurts all the same.
Forcing myself out of the chair, I go to my favorite spot by the glass to look down at the court. There is an abundance of youth training, all with amazing potential and a dream to play in the NBA.
Where will they be in five years?
Where will I be?
I think about Brandon, and it’s enough to drive me back to my desk and focus on work before I fall into the black hole of dark thoughts where I can’t let my mind wander.
I’m grateful.
I’m fortunate.
I’ll do my best to adapt to the lonely.
New mantras.
After a long phone call with Violet, it opened my mind to positive manifestations.
In finding love, I need to learn to love from a distance, just like someone grieving.
I open my cell to send Brandon a short text as a reminder of what we have.
I love you, I miss you, I need you.
Delete.
I love you, I miss you. xx
Truth is, I need to be an islandagain.
Rely on no one but myself.
Protect my heart from the pain.
My cell dings, and hope builds.
Bella.A ball of disappointment falls in my stomach. It’s our girls’ message group. I close my eyes and remind myself to be positive.
I’m grateful to have my girls. There are more tragedies in the world than mine.
I’m fortunate. Thank you, universe.
I take a breath to open my mind to the words of positivity from my friends I struggle to accept.
Girls’ night at mine tonight. 7pm sharp. Don’t be late, bitches.
I let out a loud sigh. A fun night with my friends doesn’tfeel right. Not when Brandon is suffering, unsure if his mom will survive the treatment.
It is also exactly what I need.
I’ll be there.
Then, I silence my phone before their responses completely distract me from work.
Bella opensthe door to her apartment, and after my ears adapt to her scream of excitement, I’m hit with a divine aroma. She hugs me and steps aside to allow me to pass.
