“What kiss?”
I stared, gobsmacked. “We kissed. In our seventeenth year. Mr. Bartley almost caught us. You left for school days later. You never came back—”
“I came back. With Caroline.”
But you never came back for me.
“Oh.”
Something in my expression must have clued him in. “This must sound horrible, but I do not recall a kiss. I was obsessed with academics, as you know. Father said I could attend Oxford if my academics were sufficient. I wanted away from here—although not away from you—so I focused. As you know, I metCaroline, brought her home, and the rest is…” He flailed his hand. Then he stilled. “You cared for me? Even back then?”
“Yes.”
His gaze narrowed. “You have loved me ever since then?”
“Yes.”
He pursed his lips. “I am expected to marry.”
“Do you wish to marry?”
“Isabella needs a mother.”
“Your niece has Mrs. Fernsby, Martha, and everyone in the household to fuss over her. She will not lack for female attention should you choose not to marry. But the choice, my lord, is up to you.”
“What about when she grows up?”
“You yourself have arranged for Mrs. Fernsby, a competent former governess, to reprise that role. Isabella will be well cared for.”
Again with the furrowed brow in evident contemplation. “What about what people think?”
“About what? About you not remarrying? About Isabella’s governess?”
“About you and me.”
“Think that you have a valet? Come on. Most lords have valets. That is how society functions. Even if you were not in your…predicament, you would not be expected to dress yourself. That is simply not done. Men of your stature do notdothings for themselves—even if they did while in the army.”
“But…”
“Henry, do you want a wife?” I had no sense of that from him. He was aboutdutyandhonor. Perhaps those would overcome what he really wanted for the remainder of his days.
“Not really.” Still his brow continued to furrow.
“Then do not marry. You do not have to. Shall I let you in on a secret? Earls are not required to marry. Henry, do what youwant to in life. Have you not earned the right to do as you wish for once?”
“But…” His eyes still held a hit of panic. Of uncertainty.
I sighed inwardly, but showed no sign of my exasperation on the outside. “You became a rake to show Caroline and William you did not care. You joined the army to show your father you did not care. How about working out what you do care for?”
He nodded. “Isabella. I care about Isabella. And I love Crosswood Hall. I want to just live here without people telling me what to do. And—” He swallowed. “—and... well… I think I care about you too.”
At long last!“Then grasp it with both hands. Raise Isabella. Live at Crosswood. Dare to fall in love with your valet.”
“That sounds deceptively simple.” He eyed me with the same distrust he had when we were boys. When I had attempted to convince him frogs were tasty treats.
“Would you like to return to Blackthorne Estate and ask Phillip and John about how they manage to be in love as lord and valet?”
“No.” He jutted his chin out. “I am not like you. I am not that brave.”
