“It hurts my heart to see you treated so abominably. To me, you are just Henry. The boy I fell in love with when we were young men.”
I blinked. “What?” I could not comprehend what he was telling me.
“Because I have always loved you. As soon as I was old enough to appreciate I was…different. That I did not fancy women. That I wanted men. That I wanted you.” He rushed on. “But I do not expect anything of you. I am happy to be your valet. I shall take whatever you are willing to give.”
“You are far too good to me.” I was undeserving of such clear adoration.
“Would you let me…?” Percy held my gaze.
Realization dawned. “Us?”
“Yes?”
“You?”
He nodded.
“Me?”
Another nod.
I was stunned because, for all of sharing my bed for the past couple of nights, I had not quite stretched my mind to going beyond kissing and fellatio. “I do not…”
“Ah, but I do. If I have your permission.”
Do I dare? Let him do carnal things to me? I am no longer the man I once was—taking pleasure wherever I could find it. I am now discerning. I am now…broken. I never believed I wouldfind another bed partner. Someone to be intimate with. Here was an opportunity to feel again.
To breathe again.
To be myself again.
To enjoy the blessings of being close to someone and, for the first time in my life, not be focused on getting all that I could. Yes, I had always ensured the women with me derived pleasure as well. Well, for the most part, anyway. Now I faltered.Can I bring pleasure to Percy? Do I even know how?
“Keep thinking that hard, Henry, and you will talk yourself right out of this adventure.” He grinned. “I have all we might need, if that is your concern.” He winked.
Need?
Oh.
Oh.
“I would not—”
“You need not concern yourself with anything.” He slid from the sheets, went to the closet, and returned a moment later with a small bottle.
I cocked my head.
“Oil. To…ease…things.”
Ah. Something I would never have thought of. For all my time in the army and knowing what other men partook in, I had never quite thought about practicalities.
Percy slid back into bed. “Do you wish me to extinguish the light?”
If he did, I would not be able to see his face. If he did, he would not have to look upon me.
As if reading my mind, he drew a finger lightly along my scar. “I found you beautiful twenty-five years ago. Nothing has changed. In fact, my admiration of you has only increased over the years. Most especially in the last few weeks. You survived Waterloo. You assisted in bringing home victory for England.Those are no small feats.” He held up the bottle. “Let me show you my appreciation. And perhaps, one day in the future, you might show me yours.”
I had engaged in sexual activity hundreds of times over the years. Never had the prospect both terrified and intrigued me in equal measures. “Perhaps.”
