I let my eyes hold his. “Yes, before I even knew you. Before you and I had even begun to truly engage with each other. There was a pull within me, a deep appreciation for someone that I didn’t know would end up meaning so much. I saw you then for the first time. You were so beautiful and foreboding, so sure and confident of your presence here. It was truly a sight to see…”
“But I could tell that you were unsure of my own presence under the oak. You were questioning my motives, curious yourself. The desire hit me then to prove myself, to prove that I was worthy to sit under the Shadow Oak and its massive beauty, not knowing that I was actually proving myself to you… I will always prove my worth to you, Keane. You are deserving of it. The way you talked of humans under this oak the next night when we met in the darkness…”
I shake my head at him, reveling in the memory, “I have never heard someone speak so closely to my own thoughts, to my own unspoken desires. Your words tugged and pulled at every corner of my heart, at every corner of my being. I felt those words that night,embracedthose words for the first time, never once hearing them spoken or considered in Knowledge in the tone that you used. It was as if the words brought forth a bright light that shone behind a closed door, and I found myself wanting to walk towards it, wanting to open that door, wanting to walk towardsyou.”
“You saw the true battle within me that night,” I laugh softly, shaking my head in small disbelief, “I don’t know how or why, but you saw it. There’s been so many moments when I ask myself how you can see the fire within me before I can even see it myself. Because you’ve always been there to stoke those flames,hereunder the Shadow Oak, in your court, on the road and in Fumagalli… you’re always there to not only see my fire but add more embers to it. You helped it grow.”
Keane moves to take another step but I shake my head sharply, willing him to keep his distance as I continue.
“The first time I felt your summoning within me it nearly stopped my full being. I felt your amused laugh under my skin, the same sound that always followed my curiosity to want to know more,needingto know more. The presence of you in my bones was unlike anything I had ever encountered,but it felt so right. I wanted more, wanted to feel your amusement because it only tugged my curiosity farther. So when that curiosity drew me on my adventures and you allowed me to see your mills, to see your Hidden City, when you trusted me with that knowledge and I sawyou,standing proud and looking out to your creation in the woods and amongst the sky…”
“Keane,” I look back at him in desperation, holding his intense brown eyes to mine, “when you tell me that you wanted me then, standing under the lights,Iwanted you tenfold.”
Keane groans as his eyes blaze into mine.
“I remember letting my thoughts under the Hidden City speak aloud then, wondering why it was that every time I found myself standing under something so exhilarating, something so damn breathtaking, you were always there, claiming that exhilaration, relishing in it,owningit. I saw you again that night, saw the man that you were standing under another awe-inspiring masterpiece, and knew that your body and your mind, the full damn being of you, built that city. I wanted every part of you in that moment. I wanted you toconsumeme, to let your fire burn into mine. I wanted to give you proper appreciation where appreciation was due, because you and your City were truly an accomplishment.”
“Alexis,” Keane’s voice is low and fierce, eyes still holding mine with intensity. I feel my name on his lips pull me towards him, watching as he takes a strong step forward and doesn’t stop the next.
“I remember wondering again in that moment why life couldn’t always be like that. I kept wondering why I was so content in my past, content in my reading and dreaming of things though never having the courage to experience them, to own them. It amazed me that the whole time you yourself were actually living up to that life, embracing the grand and beautiful with every part of your being. I knew then that my words and proclamation of how I wanted to live were mere flickers to the burning flames that you held in comparison-”
“-No,” Keane cuts me off sharply, shaking his head.
“Yes, Keane,” I nod to him in steady resolve, coming to terms with my own realization, “but it’s okay, it was always okay.Youlit the flames within me. Your actions and the way you lived your life called me to embrace mine more fully, to continue to move forward and forget all of my old conclusions about how I believed a life should be lived. Everything about you called to me, replacing my easy relaxation with a fire that burned heavy in my heart…”
“I should tell you now,” I sigh, “that I will never let that content life hold me again, not after everything I’ve experienced with you. My appreciation for the simpler things will always remain, but the urge to embrace something bigger, something more intense and exhilarating, to meet fire with fire, is all that I care about. You helped me find that deeper purpose. You made it easier for me to love the excitement and the unknown. You brought me closer to the door filled with such a bright light behind it. You made it easier to let go of my old, content self.”
“When we came back from Pyre, when we were back in Fumagalli, I was ready to tell you then, to speak those words. I had embraced my call to action more fully in the heights of that library. I challenged myself and everything that could have held me back and found that I loved it. I was so proud of myself, Keane, and so damn ready to tell you then…”
“But I’m genuinely glad that I didn’t. When I look back on it now, on everything leading me towards that door, towardsyou, I think I needed to finally come back to the Court of Knowledge to fully understand the entirety of those words, to appreciate them and the old life that I knew I was going to leave behind. Without that travel, my words to you would’ve been half-truths, not paying homage to whatyoudeserved, to what the being of all ofyouso rightly demands.”
I hear Keane’s heavy intake of breath. His eyes narrow on my lips, catching each of my words carefully and letting them fall into him hard.
“You’ll want to hear the words more directly,” I give him a playful smile and reach my hand back out to the Shadow Oak for support, “so here they are… I am Warrior, Keane. I am strong. I am confident. I am curious and I let that curiosity will me to action. I think I’ve always been Warrior, just needed a push in that direction and someone to light the flame that rested so deeply within me. Ilive. Always have and always will. And I embrace that curiosity with courage, wanting everyone and everything around me to live up to the same challenge of life. Because why shouldn’t we? Why shouldn’t we embrace the best in ourselves, the strongest in ourselves? Why shouldn’t we embrace the call to our deepest desires? I’ve lived too much of my life in simple idleness,” I shake my head as the ground below me begins to rumble, “but no longer.”
Keane moves swiftly through the roots, his full body stopping in front of me as his arms wrap themselves around my waist. He pushes my back into the oak in heated desire, his eyes narrowing on my lips like he wants to kiss me for years to come.
“I am not done,” I exhale sharply, welcoming the rough wood and granite against my back. I grin up at the man that holds onto me fiercely, the man who still needs to hear more, who deserves to hear everything that I need to tell him.
Keane releases my waist with the smallest hesitation, taking a small step back to look down at me. I press my shoulders firmly into the oak and grin up at him, watching as his gaze rakes down my body.
“You’ve told me of all the ways you were denied in taking me fully… but did you not think it wasn’t the same for me? You and yourdamnconfidence, Keane, commanding every inch of my body and always lighting that fire within me. Have I ever told you how much your touches claim every part of me? How they claim every single one of my emotions? You touch me how I feel, how Iwantto feel, always burning for that life I want to build, burning for you…”
Keane reaches a hand out for my face, wanting to hold me to him as the ground begins to tremble. I quickly turn away with another grin and give my own knowingtsk.
“I’m selfish with you, Keane. I will continue to be selfish with you. I have seen you with other women, have watched them want you…”
“But they do not want you like I do. They do not see you like I do. They don’t deserve you.I do.”
The ground shakes violently below us. Keane thrusts his hips against mine, closing the space between us as his hands hit the oak next to my head. I let my Prince cage me in, but still give a firm warning shake of my head to let him know I’m not done.
“Ideserve you, Keane,” I continue steadily, “I deserve the man that you are, the man that you will be. I deserve the feeling of vindication I get from you, knowing that my own selfishness matches yours. We deserve each other and we deserve these feelings, feelings that have always felt right from thedamnAncients beginning when you first found me under this oak.”
My eyes catch and hold his as every inch of my body begins to light to flames.
“I find in you what I find in myself. You tell me that no other man will have me…” I roll my hips into his and feel him ready for us, “Iwill let no other woman touch you. I will let no other woman feel what I have felt with you. Because I know that the fire within you is a match for mine.Only me. I know that you are the only one I will hold onto for the rest of my life. The only one who I will let touch me, feel me,experienceme. And if there is such thing as destiny, if it truly exists, then I smile in the knowledge that you and I were meant to be together, that we were meant to find eachother.”
“Fucking Ancients, Alexis,” Keane groans.
