I sigh and read the text one more time, finally closing it in my lap. The relief I feel is euphoric, and despite my worries about what I’ll say to King Zander, all the tension in my body leaves in a large exhale. The air from my breath turns into another thick cloud of white, this time making me smile for no reason at all.
My full body is still rocking in violent shakes from the cold but I have no qualms with it now. I’m holding onto the book that’s taken me nearly two years to find, and with that knowledge comes another large grin as I look up to the sky. For the first time since entering this library, I’m enjoying the strong and cold breeze that whips across my face.
My search is fulfilled.
I get comfy on the ice below me and greet the frosted room as a new friend. I will forever be grateful to this place, this thirty-second height, and as I take another satisfied breath, I look back down at the book in my hands in pure affection. It’s time to take it home to my King.
But the black feathers that originally graced the cover are now gone, prompting me to swiftly move up to my knees in hasty confusion. The action is a stupid one as I forget the glazed ice below me again and feel my knees slip out from under me. My forearms take the brunt of the fall before my face hits the side of my wrist. I groan in pain, my body completely bruised, and curse at my clumsiness as I find the strength to get back up.
It takes everything in my exhausted body to lift into another seated position, my mind still racing in panic at the sudden change in the book. I situate my knees more firmly below me and rest my ass on my bended boots, looking back down at the black cover that is now without feathers.
The book heaves another steady breath to the sky above, the full of it moving up against my fingers and back down. And then…veryslowly, I watch as the edges start to crumble into themselves, the book falling into soft specks of grey without a single spark of fire to light its corners.
“What!” I scream, moving to sit up taller on my knees.
My hands falter with the book, not knowing what to do.
“No!”
The book slowly starts its disintegration from the edges and corners, moving inwards on itself as ash starts to rain down to the ground.
“No, stop! Stop! No, no, please stop!”
I’m frantic, nearly hysteric, watching as the cover and top pages all turn to ash in my hands. Half of the book is now gone, consumed by an invisible fire that continues raging to the remaining sheets. I try to stop the disintegration but the ash just falls through my fingers, each speck dropping into my palms with a warmth I have no right to feel.
“No!” I scream again, “please…”
My eyes jut back and forth across the book as it grows smaller with every moment. I cup my hands together and try to catch the remnants of the pages, but all I get is a pile of soft grey ash sitting pathetically in my palms.
“Stop!” I begin sobbing, feeling the tears fall cold down my freezing face. I yell to the room in anger, realizing then that everything King Zander told the Council was true.
“This can’t be!”
My heart is trying to push out of my chest, unwilling to accept that the book is indeed turning to ash at the touch. What did I do wrong? How am I going to explain this?
“Come back,” I hunch over, “please!”
Cool tears drip down my cheeks in steady streams. My full body continues to shake from the cold and from the anger… from the utter disbelief of what is going on around me.
I have nothing! Nothing to present Zander with. After everything he’s done for me, everything he’s provided and the life he’s afforded me. All of it is for nothing if I can’t even provide theonething he needs from me!
The feeling of immense disappointment and guilt starts to creep in.
I drop my arms to my thighs and sob so hard that my chest begins to ache. The pile of ash remains in my hands but I can’t even look at it, or maybe it’s just the fact that I can barely keep my eyes open. Tears are pouring out in droves, every sob racking my soul to its core. The room around me seems to darken, as if it’s matching the heavy onslaught of emotions I’m now feeling. Even the sky starts to rumble from above, a tremble to match my own.
I finally lift my puffy gaze to see the once clear blue sky now turning a deep grey. Another rumble, one that vibrates deep in my bones, and small flecks begin to fall from the dark sky above. Those tiny specs make their way into the ice covered room through the opening above, the air around me turning completely still as the flecks continue to fall.
This must be falling snow,I continue sobbing, watching the grey beauty float gracefully down from the sky.This has to be what Keane wanted me to see.
My hands begin to heat in my lap, a cozy feeling that I’m more than grateful for. I look down at them in sad curiosity and spot a decent-sized redember now resting in the middle, the stone growing ever so slightly as it consumes the ash around it.
I’m hallucinating.
Fuck me, I’m hallucinating.
I have the sudden urge to slap my face but I don’t want to risk losing whatever this is in my hands. I shake my head desperately and try to dry my tears on my shoulder, still holding what remains of the ash and the growing ember that’s now the size of an egg. I watch in disbelief as the ember heaves itself towards me, then drops back down into my palms,breathingagain.
A small crack slams across that ember egg just as the same sound permeates the sky above. The crack leaves a thick black mark jutting across the red glow, its line twisting and contorting right down the middle. Another crack, this time louder with the sky above, and the ember is graced with a second black streak against it that moves over the first. I sit transfixed, unable to process or understand what is going on, as a final crack slashes across the ember so violently that the sound moves the sky with a streak of vibrant silver light.
