Pain struck Eleanor’s heart, and tears grew hot in her eyes. “We developed a… connection. I know you will be angry with me, Aunt, and I am well aware I ought not to have done such a thing, but I could not help it! I found myself drawn to him and, as I have said, he was nothing but well-mannered and considerate in everything. I assure you,” she continued, a little more fervently now as she blinked her tears back, “he did not ever do a single thing that was inappropriate.”Aside from kissing me senseless.Eleanor did not share that particular thought with her aunt and cousin, fully aware that their censure would follow.
“That is a relief,” Lady Cumbria said, keeping her voice measured although her frown remained. “So what then?”
“He proposed marriage.”
Lady Cumbria’s eyebrows lifted.
“He told me that he did not want to keep our connection a secret any longer. I think both of us had been enjoying the clandestine nature of it, admittedly, but he said he wanted to make sure that things were done the right way. Lord Finchley swore to me that he held a great affection for me and that he intended to call upon my father the following day. He stated that there would be courtship first, so that no one suspected our prior connection, and then engagement and marriage.”
A sigh came from Lady Cumbria. “You trusted him.”
“I did,” Eleanor said miserably. “But he did not come to the house. I sent a servant with a note, asking Lord Finchley to explain what had been the delay to his plans, but he refused the note. The servant saw him riding from his estate, and I have not ever had a single word of explanation since.”
There came a long silence as both her aunt and her cousin looked away from Eleanor, their thoughts in their expressions. Lady Cumbria was frowning still, a darkness in her eyes that spoke of anger, although Eleanor could not tell who the anger was directed towards. Catherine’s shoulders were lowered, aheaviness in her frame as her lips tugged downwards. When she looked at Eleanor, her eyes held such a deep sympathy that Eleanor wanted to weep.
“Oh, Eleanor. I am sorry. That must have been very difficult for you.”
“Thank you, Catherine.” Tears came again, and this time, Eleanor could not hold them back. “I am quite ashamed of myself, I confess it. I should never have done such a thing. I should not have gone back to the woods a second time to meet him or anything of the kind. I should not have let myself fall in love with him.”
“Love?” Her aunt settled her hand on Eleanor’s. “If that is how you felt about him, then it is little wonder to me that you cannot rid yourself of your feelings as yet.”
Eleanor swallowed thickly, her handkerchief catching most of her tears. “You mean to say that this is precisely what I ought to feel? This battle within me, this war that will not cease?”
With a nod, Lady Cumbria’s hand pressed hers. “Yes, my dear niece. I will not berate you for it is clear to me that you fully understand what you oughtnotto have done, but I shall certainly tell you that I am very sorry for what you have endured – and endured alone, I think.”
The tears rushed forward again, but Eleanor blinked them back. “You are very generous in your understanding, Aunt.”
Lady Cumbria smiled gently. “I presume, then, that he was who you saw last evening?”
Recalling that moment, the moment when everything within her had gone cold and when her heart had threatened to stop beating, Eleanor nodded. “Yes, it was.”
“Then we know he is here in London,” Catherine said, her brow furrowing. “You will simply have to stay away from him, Eleanor.”
Putting both hands over her face, Eleanor let out a low groan, caring nothing for who was around her. “I am in torment, Catherine! I want not only to stay far away from him, as you witnessed last evening, but there is also a deep urge within me to go to him again, to demand to know why he thought it right to treat me so.”
“A feeling I well understand.” Lady Cumbria smiled a little ruefully. “You are not the only lady who has endured difficulties in that way, my dear.” She drew in a deep breath, set her shoulders, and then looked Eleanor straight in the eye. “Well, you have a choice to make, Eleanor. Either you go to speak with Lord Finchley – I will be with you, of course – and demand the truth from him, or you give him the cut direct and ignore him outright.”
Eleanor swallowed hard. “I do not think I have the gumption as yet to do the former.”
“The latter, then.”
With a nod, Eleanor set her handkerchief, damp as it was, back in her pocket. “I have made quite the fool of myself, Aunt. I am heartily ashamed of myself.”
“Do not be too upset,” came the reply as Eleanor looked up at her again. “As I have just said, you are not the only young lady who has ever found herself drawn into the arms of a less than trustworthy gentleman.” This was said with a glimmer in her eye, which suggested to Eleanor that her aunt was speaking of herself in such a way. “Now that I know it all, I will be able to support you at all future social occasions.”
“I thank you, Aunt.”
“But you must find some courage within yourself,” she continued, before Eleanor could say more. “Understand this, Eleanor, you cannot run away from Lord Finchley every time he draws near! Thetonwill notice it and then they will either demand an explanation or make up one of their own.”
“And you do not want any rumors whispered about you,” Catherine added as Eleanor closed her eyes again at the fear beginning to build in her chest. “You will not be alone, however, my dear cousin. We will both be with you.”
“Besides which, you are bound to find an excellent gentleman very soon,” Lady Cumbria said, encouragingly. “Within a few days, I think you will have all manner of London fellows pursuing you, and you shall have no time at all to even think about Lord Finchley!”
With a slow nod, Eleanor took in a few steadying breaths, calming herself inwardly as she gathered the advice from her aunt into her mind. There was to be no escaping Lord Finchley, that was for certain, but how could she find the courage to face him when her first instinct was to do nothing but run from him?
“It will come with time,” her aunt said, as if she had been able to read Eleanor’s thoughts. “The first thing you will need to do is to stand near to him but without permitting yourself to look at him, though he might well see you! Do not fear, Eleanor, you will have courage enough for that, I am sure of it.”
With a lift of her chin, Eleanor rolled her hands into fists, her fingernails biting into her skin. “Then let us go into the midst of the crowd gathered for the fashionable hour,” she said, a trembling in her voice that she could not hide. “For if I am to see him, then might not now be the very best moment to do so?”
