Without thinking, without so much as taking a breath into her lungs, she spun on her heel and hurried away, the edges of her vision going black as she fought desperately to get as far away from that side of the ballroom as she could.
He is here,her mind screamed, as she stumbled over her own feet, such was her haste.Lord Finchley is here after all.
2
“Brother. Good evening.”
Rupert glanced at his younger brother and nodded. “Good evening, Preston.”
“You do not look pleased to be here.”
Rubbing one hand over his face in the hopes of changing his expression, Rupert shrugged. “Perhaps I am not.”
“And how can you be so?” his brother asked, throwing up his hands as a hint of a smile touched his lips. “We are here in London, during the Season and surrounded by so much beauty and happiness that we areboundto find contentment!” The light in his eyes faded. “After all we have endured thus far, I think it right that we should havesomejoy, do you not?”
With a nod, Rupert looked away from his brother and tried to find something in the room that sparked that sense of happiness within him, but it did not come. The last few months had been very trying indeed, and at times, Rupert had feared he would never be able to hold his head up in society again. That, thankfully, had all come to an end now, but all the same, the dullness that he had carried within his heart for so long still lingered.
“You know very well why I insisted you come to London, do you not?”
Rupert looked back at his brother, who took two glasses from a nearby table, and handed one to him. “Given that you desire to wed, you thought it best that I do the same, since I am the one with the responsibility to produce an heir. Therefore, you forced me to attend the Season, using both guilt and determination as your weapons of choice.” Whilst Rupert knew these words to be true, he let a slight hint of teasing penetrate through them. Yes, Prestonhaddone all those things, but Rupert had been willing, at least, to listen to his brother’s explanation as to why London would be good for them both. After the months of difficulty and confusion, he had seen it as a way to bring a little life back to them both, and Rupert had not been able to find any disagreement with that.
“We arebothto find a wife, given that webothmust produce an heir,” his brother corrected, with a grin. “You may be the Marquess of Finchley, but I am the Earl of Preston and thus, we both have the very same responsibility.”
“Something you took great pains to remind me of as you convinced me to come to the London Season.”
With a shrug, Preston chuckled. “I did, and I shall not say that I am sorry for it!” The laughter disappeared quickly as Rupert sighed, the heaviness in his spirits returning quickly.
“We must set it behind us,” his brother said, as Rupert lifted his glass to his lips and took a sip of whatever concoction was within it. “It is over with now. We can consider our future with a fresh hope, can we not?”
Rupert nodded slowly. “Yes, I suppose we can.” He had never once mentioned Lady Eleanor to his brother and had no intention of doing so. That was his own private, personal pain and his own disgraceful failing, and thus, Rupert had no thought of sharing what he had done. No doubt that would mean thathis brother would not truly understand Rupert’s reluctance to pursue another young lady to be his bride, but that could not be helped.And all the same,he reminded himself,I must marry. It is my duty and my responsibility… especially now.
“We are not simply going to stand here, I assume?” With a chuckle, Preston threw out one arm wide towards the crowd of guests. “Just look at what is waiting for us!”
With only the smallest smile on his lips, Rupert nodded. “Yes, I suppose we should go into the fray, should we not?” His heart sank as his brother grinned. There was no joy here for him, no hope nor delight. The weight of his heart pulled his spirits low, and as Preston began to move forward, Rupert waved him away, telling him that he would come and find him again very soon.
Instead, however, he stepped back into the shadows of the ballroom and hid himself there, lingering near the wall instead of stepping out into the crowd. With a sigh, he squeezed his eyes closed and then shook his head to himself, wishing that he were anywhere other than here. The demand of responsibility fought against his shame, battling hard and continually. It took such an effort for him to present, especially when his thoughts wanted to do nothing more than return to Lady Eleanor.
Lady Eleanor… what if she is here?
A hope surged through him only to twist itself into a mantle of shame that covered him completely. He had no right to eventhinkabout her, not after what he had done. The memory of her looking up at him with happiness burning in her eyes as she promised to marry him came back to the forefront of his mind, and Rupert, his head lowering, let the regret take him again.
Every word he had spoken to Eleanor had been true, his desire to wed her fervent and hopeful… and yet, as he had returned home that day, his heart filled with joy and expectation, he had been met with nothing but dread and darkness. Theletter, handed to him by the butler, had seemed innocuous at first, but what had been contained within shocked him to his core. It was not only the circumstances but also just how much was at stake if he did not respond.
And that had meant leaving everything behind.
Rupert closed his eyes again, remembering just how much pain had poured into him the moment he realized what he would have to give up. There had not been time for an explanation to Eleanor and nor, given the circumstances, would he have been able to. His own fears that she would reject him because of it had been too great… and thus, he had said nothing. Rupert had not known what he had expected from her, even now. Had he believed or hoped that, somehow, once everything was resolved, she would return to him even when he had done nothing to deserve that? His silence must have torn at her, his absence without explanation breaking her heart utterly, and yet, he had done so. When her servant had arrived with her note, it had taken every bit of strength within him to refuse it. No doubt her words would have begged for an explanation, would have cried out to him about her upset and confusion, and he would have been forced, by the demands of his heart, to go to her – and then what would have happened? She would have heard of the dire circumstances, of the danger, of the ruination that might follow, and Rupert had not been willing to pull her into it all. Even if theyhadcourted, Rupert had not known whether or not the whispers would have faded by the time their engagement came around. Perhaps her father would have refused him, based on what had happened to his standing – and he himself could not have brought her into a situation where she too might end up struggling under the very same shame threatening him.
Perhaps I should have done,he thought to himself, his heart twisting painfully.I should not have gone without explanation, I know that now.
But it was all much too late. There could be no reconciliation between them, not after all he had done – or failed to do. No doubt she had already forgotten him.
“And what if I see her here?” he murmured, lifting his head and looking around the room, sensing the slight nip of fear that clung to his heart. There was a part of him that longed to see her again, but at the same time, a greater sense of worry and doubt over what would happen when or if he did. Would she rush towards him, demanding an explanation? No, he considered, he did not think that such a public act would become her, given the secrecy of their connection. What then would she do? And what, in turn, would his own response be?
“Why are you hiding back here?”
Snapping out of his thoughts, it took Rupert a moment to realize his brother was standing in front of him, tapping his foot impatiently. “Preston?”
“Docome along!” Preston exclaimed, reaching out one hand and grabbing Rupert’s arm. “You are hiding yourself away, and I will not allow it! We are both here to make new acquaintances, to dance, and to enjoy ourselves. Standing in the shadows will do nothing but frustrate that purpose.” Dropping Rupert’s arm, he looked back at him steadily. “The past is the past, Finchley. The threat has been dealt with; the matter is at an end. You must stop thinking about it.”
