Remember what it felt like to be in his arms,she told herself, the fire in her beginning to rise up again.Recall all that you shared and how abruptly it ended. Will speaking with him not bring you peace, a peace you have been searching for these many months?Her eyes opened and, with a heart that still thudded wildly and nervousness surging all through her, Eleanor moved forward.
He turned, just as she approached. The edges of his eyes rounded, and he took a step back, hitting the wall behind him as if desperate to escape her. Eleanor bit the inside of her cheek gently as she came ever closer, gripping onto the little strength she had within her and holding it tightly.
“Finchley,” she said, her voice rasping as she held his gaze. “I must speak with you.”
8
Rupert stared back at Lady Eleanor, his whole body searing itself with heat. He had not expected to come upon her so unexpectedly and most certainly had not thought that he would be dancing with her later this evening! His emotions had swelled with such great strength, he had been forced to hurry away from them all, unable to linger in her company any longer. Thinking to step away from her and to have a few moments alone where he might compose himself, he had come to the quieter part of the ballroom, only to now be faced with the very lady he had tried to escape from.
“You will not speak to me?” Blinking quickly, her voice trembling, she came a step closer to him. “Please, Finchley. Do not push me away. You have already done that once already, and I do not think I can bear another rejection.”
“I am not rejecting you,” he said, hoarsely, his chest tight. “Eleanor, this is not wise. There are so many who could see us and – ”
“I care not.” Another step taken towards him, another shard of lightning striking him at her nearness to him. Rupert couldnot breathe, forcing his gaze away from her. “I must know what you meant in your letter.”
Rupert closed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
She sighed. “Do you not understand? Can you not see that I have been left alone and in such a great confusion these last few months that I had not known what to think?” There came a sharpness into her eyes, such that he had never seen before as his words pierced his heart. “I thought that you were the very worst sort of gentleman. I believed that you were a scoundrel who had taken your fill of me and then chosen to step away once you had enjoyed yourself enough.”
“No! I would never have done such a thing to you!”Stay back from her,his heart warned, even as he drew closer.You cannot let her back into your arms, not when things are as they are.“I could never have been so cruel.”
“And yet, you were,” she said, her voice soft but her words burning him. “You left without explanation – and no explanation has been forthcoming still. Do you not know just how much I felt for you? Have you no understanding of that?”
Rupert looked down at the floor, his heart tearing. She had spoken about all that she had felt, not that she still held for him. It was just as he deserved, but all the same, it caused him great sorrow to hear.
“You spoke of protecting me,” she said, a good deal more quietly now. “What is it that you protected me from?”
Closing his eyes, Rupert shook his head. “I cannot explain.”
“Cannot or will not?”
Lifting his gaze, Rupert looked back into her beautiful face as regret whispered around him like a cold wind. “The day I returned from speaking with you, a letter was waiting for me. This letter contained information that forced me to quit my estate at once, so I might do my best to resolve the situation as quickly as I could. Had I been unsuccessful, then the threatof ruination remained steadily over my head, and I could not permit you to be a part of it.”
She did not even blink. “But why did you not tell me?”
Swallowing hard, Rupert looked away and ran one hand over his jaw. Dare he tell her the truth? Could he trust her with it? Yes, that, he knew, was not in doubt. He could trust Lady Eleanor with anything and know without doubt that she would not betray that trust. But could he tell her of his heart?
“It was to protect you,” he said again, speaking slowly as he chose each word with care. “If you knew of the situation, then I did not know what you would make of it – or of me. But worse than that, if there was any hint of connection between us and I was unable to resolve the situation, then you would have been tainted also, and therefore, I could not permit that to happen. I deeply regret that I did not speak to you honestly; however, I could have written and explained and prayed that you would understand… but I did not. I can only apologize, again, for my mistake and my lack of consideration.”
Lady Eleanor took in a deep breath, folded her arms over her chest, and looked back at him as she breathed out a long breath. There was no gentle affection in her eyes, as there had been before. Instead, she was assessing him, considering him, wondering whether or not he was speaking honestly. Rupert licked his lips, not certain what else to say and fighting against the desire to move closer, to take her hand, and to confess that she had never once left his heart.
“Tell me.”
Rupert blinked.
“Please, Finchley. Tell me what the situation was, the one that pulled you from me.” A catch came into her voice, and Rupert closed his eyes. “I must know what it was that took you from me, else I shall be forever wondering, forever questioning what it might have been.”
Rupert’s heart squeezed, and he nodded unwillingly. He did not have to do this, he knew, but perhaps this might lessen his regret and sorrow a little. Perhaps this was what he had to give her as part of his genuine apology. “It was my sister,” he said, his voice dropping to near a whisper. “I do not think I ever spoke of her to you, Eleanor, for at the time of our meeting, she was on a prolonged holiday with my aunt and uncle at his estate.” He swallowed tightly, fearful now that her response to what he had to say next would push her away from him for good. “My aunt wrote to me to tell me of a secret… a secret she had been keeping for many months.”
“Your aunt?”
Rupert shook his head. “My sister,” he said, his voice rasping heavily now. “My aunt informed me that she had discovered, to her utter shock and dismay, that my sister was with child. Quite how Rebecca had managed to keep it a secret from them all, I cannot imagine, but she had done so, up until the moment she could keep it no longer.”
Lady Eleanor had gone white, and Rupert was certain he saw a tremor run through her.
“My aunt begged me to come at once, and thus, I made preparations immediately. My great fear was that news of her child would become known, and once known, it would not only be Rebecca that would be ruined but myself and my brother’s reputation.”
Putting one hand to her heart, Lady Eleanor closed her eyes, swaying lightly. “How dreadful.”
