“I did,” I said. “But more about that later. We’re having hamburgers for dinner, but not with the rubber cheese. That I have given to Susie, for one must not waste food. I’m using something called ‘Swiss’ cheese instead, which I believe must actually be Emmentaler, for there are holes in it. Perhaps Americans are frightened by longer words for food? Or is it that the name sounds too German?” I removed the plate containing the patties from the refrigerator as I spoke. “I’ve waited to cook them until you came home. I’ve cooked some mushrooms also to sit atop the meat, for mushrooms and beef are like lovers who bring out the best in each other, are they not? This is acceptable, to put mushrooms on hamburgers?”
“It’s acceptable to me,” Joe said, but he was frowning—andalso taking the heavy iron skillet from me to place it on the stove. “You look tired.”
“Yes, a little.” I lit the fire beneath the pan.“Meine Tagebegan today—how strange that I can tell you so easily!—and that always brings some pain and fatigue, and means I cannot make love with you, either, which is a great pity, for surely that would be relaxing for your studies. I was planning to cook a beef stew for you for sustenance, but as you see, I’ve prepared something much simpler instead. How wasthe examination?”
“Fine,” Joe said. “Europe in the 19thCentury, which is something I’m interested in and even know a little about. Tomorrow is Economics.Notmy strong suit. That’s why I’m late.” He was still frowning, though. “Shouldn’t you be lying down with a hot-water bottle?”
“Oh, no.” I tried to say it gaily. “I must cook the hamburgers first. And look!” I pulled a plate forward and removed the shower cap covering it. “Susie told me this trick also, for shower caps are very practical items, and quite inexpensive. Of course, one mustn’t use the same shower cap to shower.”
“No,” Joe said. “I imagine not. Say, these are?—”
“Molasses Crinkles!” I said. “An amusing name, is it not? A bit likePfeffernüsse,tasting most wonderfully of Christmas, but much simpler to make. So simple, in fact, that I could get them right the first time, with a bit of help from Susie. Now you have sustenance to study for your Economics examination despite the lack of beef stew, you see? Also your Human Heredity examination, for that seems difficult too, although such a fascinating topic. You will not, I think, need special help for the examination on Goethe, for Dr. Müller has given yousuchtutelage.”
“Don’t forget how much you’ve given, too,” Joe said.
“But of course. I’m German, after all, and I very much enjoy discussion.”
“I’ve noticed,” Joe said. Smiling, but still looking worried. About the Economics, I assumed.
“Oh,” I said, “my pan is hot.” I slid the patties into it, and they responded with a satisfactory sizzle. “You add breadcrumbs and onions and an egg to the meat by mixing with your hands. This adds flavor and moisture, and one doesn’t have to use as much meat. One can also put the meat in a bread pan and cook it that way. This is called ‘meatloaf,’ which is another amusing name: a loaf of meat. I’ve prepared carrots and celery also, butnotfor cooking. So interesting, that one would eat them raw. Susie says vegetables are important to eat each day, and that mushrooms, which arenota vegetable but a fungus, have many minerals. This is amusing to contemplate, is it not? Iron and zinc, as if one were eating rocks. Her course is Home Economics, you know. Most practical. See how she’s taken in my slacks with her sewing machine so the waist fits. I fear I haven’t repaid her well enough for her help, merely baked a loaf of bread or two, but she says that helping me learn housework is her homework. She’ll get a fine husband, I think, with such skills.”
Joe took the spatula right out of my hand. “You’re white as a sheet, you have shadows under your eyes, and you’re hunched over, because your stomach and back both hurt, don’t they? You can chatter along gaily all you want, but you aren’t fooling me. Why did you do all this when you’re not feeling well? Nobody said you had to start all this extra caretaking today!”
“Truly,” I said, “I can prepare your dinner.” I was removing the carrot and celery sticks from the refrigerator—still in their bath of ice water—and opening the bag of hamburger buns, which were rather too soft, in my opinion, a bit like thespongy Wonder bread. I’d wanted to bake more substantial rolls, but hadn’t had the energy.
Joe flipped the hamburger patties, then set down the spatula and put his hands on my shoulders. “You’re going to go change into your nightgown and get into bed. I’ll bring you a hot-water bottle, and your dinner on a tray.”
“But no,” I said. “This is silly.”
“I’m not listening. March.”
“Are you allowed to say such things to me?”
“You promised to love, honor, and obey,” he pointed out.
“Of course Isaidthat. I didn’t preciselymeanit.”
He laughed. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”
I shrieked as a charred smell reached me.. “Joe! The hamburgers!”
“Whoops.” He turned off the heat. “I’ll do this. And if you love me and want to ease my mind, you’ll go take care of yourself.”
“And the carrot curls,” I said. “The celery has curled ends also. This is to make the plate more beautiful. Also the mushrooms and cheese.”
Joe turned me around by the shoulders and gave me a tap on the rear end. “Go.”
I went. I didn’t want toobey,precisely, but there’s no doubt that a masterful man can be most attractive. And I did so want to lie down.
Joe came in a few minutes later with not one buttwohot-water bottles. I said, “But what is this?”
“What do you mean, ‘what is this?’” He was scowling, but rather theatrically. “When your wife is finally sailing to join you, which you’ve worried will never happen, and you knowher back hurts at those times as much as her belly, of course you buy two.”
“The hamburgers, though,” I said, as Joe helped put one hot-water bottle behind my low back where I sat propped against the pillows, then handed me the other one for my belly. How blissfully warm and comforting they felt!
“In the hot skillet in the oven,” he said, “to stay warm. And yes, I remembered the mushrooms.”
He was back with my dinner five minutes later—and with a cup of tea, too. He settled the tray over my lap, then sat in the desk chair with his own plate. “I figured I’d keep you company.”
